Sofia “Buff Girlfriend” @sofiabuffgf
Installing a bidet at home was life changing but unfortunately it’s transformed pooping on company time from a small proletarian victory into yet another grueling humiliation of inadequate working conditions.
I relate to this on such a deep level. I really dread using any toilet that doesn’t have a bidet now. I can’t figure out why they aren’t everywhere . It has to be better for the environment.
Imagine the filth in your average public restroom.
Now imagine if they were all designed with powerful fountains that spray water up and out of the device if not intercepted by an anus.
I’m pretty sure “this is why we can’t have nice things” is true in this case, just pre-emptively.
The wonderful thing about every bidet I’ve ever used is that they require intentional actions to be activated. I have never gotten a surprise spray yet.
Surprises of that sort aren’t really the problem, tho that would be… wild.
The intentional abuse of the devices would be the problem, as would unintentional misuse (eg they are in the wrong position and it misses entirely, or they don’t know what it is and mess with the controls while standing in front of it).
I had one with analog pressure control. It was basically just a valve with a limiter you hooked up to toilet’s water line. If your hand slipped, you got to do a little spring cleaning. It was not as refreshing as the task sounds.
People are quite intentional in their destruction of public property. And then of course there are all of those incompetent idiots roaming around.
Surprise sprays tend to happen when your staring over the stradle-style bidet, trying to figure out how the hell to work it.
Met a new friend and his wife once. Had no idea what it was. Touched a knob and the ceiling got wet.
The guy got me set up with a nice job in what ended up being a lucrative career.
They got divorced a few years later. Husband moved out west with a friend’s girlfriend. Said friend ended up marrying the wife. She’s a slut, and they’re going through a divorce now.
I don’t know if I’d trust a public bidet, the amount of poop people leave on the toilet seat doesn’t give me confidence they wouldnt find a way to get their explosive slosh into the nozzle
I think we just need tiny sinks in stalls, or rather, all public stalls should be designed as semi-ambulant stalls.
Growing up as a crutches user (hip deformity) I didn’t fully comprehend that the standard stalls don’t have sinks in them. I kind of knew they didn’t all have sinks, but I didn’t think too hard about it, I sort of assumed the reason most people flushed then came to the main public sink was to use the mirror or dryer.
I got to used to filling my personal bidet at the sink, using it, and washing it at the sink, all behind the privacy of a closed bathroom door.
When I had my hip surgery and no longer needed semi ambulant stalls, or disability access stalls, and it was just so inconvenient to fill and rinse a bidet bottle in a regular public bathroom I stopped using it.
Then a few months later started using the semi ambulant stalls again so I can use my bidet, because it turns out my lichen sclerosis doesn’t like public toilet paper and I was getting really bad infections.
But yeah, personal bidet bottles are great, but they require a tap near the toilet.
Some public sinks are easy to fill a bidet bottle, but a lot aren’t, you physically can’t fit a bottle under the taps and because bidet bottles aren’t common it can feel embarrassing to fill it at the public sinks. Disability stalls almost always have a proper tap and sink for washing toilet aid devices.
Do you have any recommendations for a portable bidet bottle? Honestly it seems like I could just make one out of a plastic bottle but I’m curious if you’ve got any fancy recommendations
Back when I needed a bidet I kept my portable full and would refill it when I washed my hands. It took up half to all of my purse, depending on how large of a purse I was carrying, but it was worth it. I’d just use a peri bottle (kept two in my bag) I’d get from the hospital. Not sure where to get them when you’re not inpatient.
Go for a portable one. Be clean and proud. Nobody is gonna ask you about the flask-thing anyway unless they want one. https://www.happypo.de/ No idea if it has a translated site, but it’s quite butt-forward anyhow.
We have those in the US as well. They’re meant for women who just gave birth to clean their privates. The hospital gave my wife 3 that we got to take home since they can’t reuse them.
Bidets can generally also be used for lady parts, but it isn’t just for that. In the link, it does call itself “butt shower”.
I don’t think I’ve seen a post that spoke so strongly to me
That said. Working at a Japanese company has some perks like this in particular
I got to learn to love those bidet toilets through my frequent (extended) work travels to Japan. Got one for myself at home when the bathroom was up for renovation. Now I am dreading any work trip to not-Japan because I’ll have to shit like a barbarian for that time.
I’ll have to shit like a barbarian for that time.
I try and pre poop for this reason, if going to town and get caught out etc
Smearng shit around your asshole with paper might have appealed to 8yr old me but no longer is it the mischievous fun it was in the long ago.
It was also bemusing to see the great TP shortages of the Covid era and snicker
I know corporate overlords wish there could be, but I don’t think we’re at the point of having someone in there with you to check that you’re actually pooping just yet…
So poop at home, then just sit there and catch up on your scrolling on company time…
Do you guys have that much control over when and where you poop? I see this idea of “just hold it in until you get to your preferred location” fairly regularly and that seems insane to me. It’s not like my poops are an imminent emergency every time but I definitely couldn’t hold it in more than an hour or maybe two on the high end, and that would be pretty uncomfortable. That’s not enough time to get home in many cases. In other words, when it hits, I shits.
I generally go once in the morning (going from being horizontal in bed to being vertical out of it usually does the trick) then I’m done for the day. But even if I have to go again I can generally hold it at least for a bit unless it’s a food poisoning type situation… ¯\(ツ)/¯
But then, digestive systems vary widely, so all that matters is what’s normal for you.
I am not a Doctor.
At the risk of providing TMI, one way to go is to basically schedule it by training your body to go at consistent times of day. Eventually, your circadian rhythms and your bowel work together and you’re on track. More from actual doctors here; advice is for constipation but the gist is the same.
Edit: strong coffee with breakfast really helps.
I can control it. However, the indignity of pooping like a savage without a bidet is far preferable to the discomfort of flexing my sphincter all day.
I wish I was like my wife who just wakes up and poops right away. But alas I don’t get going until after my second cup of coffee.
to check that you’re actually pooping
AI will do that soon. Until then, managers can ask employees to donate vacation hours to make up for people who take too long in the bathroom.
Using just toilet paper is like if a bird shit on your arm and you used toilet paper to wipe it off. There’s still shit on your arm - you’re still dirty and need to wash it off. Bidets are really superior in every way.
Wet wipes are a problem to the sewage system. They don’t break down, they clog. Don’t use them unless your selfishness outweighs your sense of responsibility. This isn’t a TED talk, just be a decent human being.
Wash up in the sink. Or the water cooler.