I have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend but I keep getting overpowering feelings of wanting to date other people.
My girlfriend and I have been together almost 7 years now. We have a great life together and I love her dearly. She’s my best friend who I talk to all the time, we always have so much fun when we do things, we travel, great sex, etc. Recently talk of engagement has been popping up which I’m not ready for even though we’ve been together for so long. Despite that, I’m very happy with our relationship.
I do envision spending the rest of my life together and building toward a great future but recently I’ve been experiencing feelings of wanting to date around. I never dated before her. She’s my first partner and only women I’ve had sex with. As I’m getting into my late 20s I feel like I’ve missed out on dating and meeting knew people. Before my girlfriend I never had the confidence to ask girls out, I skipped all of my high school dances, and I had trouble talking to girls in person. I have a lot of regret because of my lack of confidence at that time.
Now I’m confident and much better socially. I just want to experience the thrill of dating. This is despite having a great partner who I love dearly. I’ve been trying to stop these feelings of wanting to date others for months but they’re stronger than ever. I know the grass is not always greener on the other side and dating is not easy. It’s also likely I won’t ever meet someone as good as my current partner. But I can’t shake these feelings. I don’t want to be 40 and having regrets when I already have so many.
What should I do? What other perspectives can I think of? Sorry for the relationship rant, but this site always gives great advice.
There are dozens of really cool fun ways to spend your 20’s and you’re going to miss out on the majority of them no matter what you do. No doubt someone else feels the same way you do and would trade with you in a heartbeat. I would. Part of growing up is looking back at the path not taken. Don’t let it drive you crazy.
I struggled with making choices like this for a long time. It always felt like choosing one door was just artificially denying myself another. The difference was that “closing doors” was often just me not having the social infrastructure to be in the right place at the right time doing the right things to be able to grasp an opportunity.
Hey thanks for putting this into words, it’s something I have struggled with a lot whenever I reach a fork in the road (the forks have a way of multiplying, the deeper you get)
Roleplay. Date your girlfriend.
I’m 37 and have never had any success with dating. A few first dates, never a second one, never a relationship. Worked on myself a long time without thought of dating, and I’m trying again, and it’s brutal out there. It’s hard to even match with anyone on these apps, let alone keep a conversation going. Once you do lots of times it just fizzles out and goes nowhere, and from what I’m hearing from others it’s not just the rejects that experience this. This is what hot people go through too. Lots and lots of just nothing. And it’s hard to meet people in other ways. We’re so atomized now, everything is monetized, everyone is overworked and underpaid and burned out, and from what I can tell, you have something that most people don’t. Don’t let this FOMO ruin it. You might go through with it and figure out quickly that you threw away a good thing for the dream of recapturing something you missed out on when you were younger. You can’t recapture it. Don’t try. Appreciate what you have and let this shit fade away.
I was once in a long distance relationship where we agreed that seeing other people was cool. When we got back together after a few months things were different and not in a good way. Its like the original oxytocin bond was broken by forming new ones with other people and then when we got back together it wouldn’t reform.
You’re gonna regret giving up a loving relationship more than you’ll regret not fooling around. Dating can be fun sometimes but it’s also exhausting and filled with bad experiences.
The grass always looks greener, comrade
Forgot to mention, I’m in a long distance relationship for the next year and I’ve begun to enjoy my alone time and independence. I guess the grass looks greener because I feel like a weekend night out with someone seems fun when I’m spending it alone.
