I’ve got a 3 week-old newborn. During the day there are plenty of adorable moments and easy times. But it’s the middle of the fucking night, he strategically waited until I was switching diapers to piss on me and all over, then was flailing his arms and pushing the bottle out of his mouth even though he was very hungry, then shit his GODDAMN BRAINS OUT while eating, then after I burped him and cleaned him up and got him in new clothes and swaddled and put him down, he fucking screamed until I picked him up again.
Like, I’ve given him everything his tiny little brain and body could need. That coupled with the strategic shitting and pissing to require the absolute maximum amount of work from me.
The vent here, I guess, is that I fucking hate this. I loved my life with my wife and now we have next to zero intimacy(not sex, obviously, but even our normal physical touch). We have zero time for each other, one is tending the baby, while the other is desperately trying to keep up with cleaning bottles and keeping the house passably clean and there is no time for anything.
I would never let any of what I just said affect how I interact with the baby, but I’m fucking sick of having literally zero independence and I miss my wife (her being in the same bed and next to me most of the day makes it worse somehow).
Fuck.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Check out The Oatmeal, they’ve got a comic about having kids that’s painfully applicable.
Welcome to parenthood :)
Im finding this thread very helpful. My wife and I are planning to have a kid next year (planning to start trying in the next few months). It’s good to know what we’ll be in for, that it gets easier after a few months, and that there are a lot of ways of making things easier.
The first 3-6 months are like vegas, anything you and your partner say or feel in this period are exhaustion enduced and get forgotten. Until the baby can smile and act like a tiny human you just endure. Once it smiles and sleeps for at least 4 hours your brain will give the good chemicals and you both start to forget this time.
Honestly theres some great advice in this thread about perspective already. So being only three weeks in, i have one useful piece of real advice. Thats not a functional human yet, it cant move under it’s own power, it cant remember what happened 5 minutes ago. You can strap the infant in a car seat and walk the fuck away for five minutes. be in another room breathing. It can not follow you, it will not remember. Use this weakness against it while you can.
Definitely reframe your thinking. Baby didn’t do anything strategically. He is in an alien world, inundated with new experiences. None of this was his choice.
He isn’t doing anything TO you. You did it all to him. And while I figure you’re kind of joking with that, those words get into your subconscious and breed resentment, even if you think it’s not affecting how you interact with the baby.
That said, what is your support system? Do you have family or friends who could spot you for a few hours to give you and your wife a nice dinner out or something? Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. No one should isolate themselves when caring for a tiny human.
As a parent of teens, I’d be super happy to step in and clean some bottles, clean up a poopy baby, and rock them while they cry. These are all skills I developed that I no longer get to use. It would be nice to feel like maybe I have something useful to offer, because teens definitely make you feel like you don’t.
Ugh, I’ve been there. My firstborn was so awful. At one point I was so sleep deprived that I dreamt I had murdered someone and couldn’t tell it had been a dream. For about a week I lived in constant fear of the police. Until I realized in another dream that it’s all good. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture and it’s really no joke. During that time I understood why sometimes people shake their babies to death. I had moments where I had to put her on the floor, leave the room and close the door. Just to get a few minutes to gather the strength to carry on. I also heard other people say that when they say how great having a child is, they’re not referring to the first year. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it will probably get better.
