I asked my wife if she thought I was autistic. She was surprised at the question because she specifically sought an autistic spouse and had been operating under the assumption for no less than five years.
We met on an adult literature/fanfiction website, so sorry but I canât help you there! I suck at dating, she hates dating, and we both have little patience especially with people. Weâre basically hermits.
Sheâs a very unique person and thought it would help her prospective spouse understand her needs. She has neurodivergent tendencies.
Glad that worked out for her. Has she ever been interesting in seeing if its just tendencies? That sounds like she might be autistic herself to me
I can relate.
At work, Iâve worked with a LOT of autistic people. We had about twenty on staff over the years, all over the spectrum.
People always say how working with autistic people can be difficult and that there might be challenges. Thereâs even training on âhow to work with autistic peopleâ. But I found quite the opposite - autistic people are a joy to work with for me. We can talk for ages about interesting things, but we can also enjoy a bit of quiet time.
Maybe itâs because Iâm an introvert, but I find dealing with the ânormalâ people at work much more exhausting. Working with the autistic people is a breeze. Most of the things you read about as âchallengesâ make perfect sense to me. As a result, we run a VERY productive department.
So either Iâm autistic, or autistic-adjacent enough to where I donât see challenges, but just people.
Iâm in my early 40âs so a diagnosis wouldnât really change things for me anyway. But my sister who works as a psychologist basically told me that Iâve got enough traits of it that she wouldnât be surprised if I was autistic myself.
Same here, similar age.
When i got diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, ny psychologist mentioned that Iâm probably on the spectrum as well, but that getting an official diagnosis wouldnât really help anything and she wasnât sure I would even get one.
But having the realisation really opened my eyes though, I now understand better why certain situations always made me irritable and made me have much more peace with my own limitations.
I always knew I was a bit âoffâ, and knowing Iâm on the spectrum kind of felt like the last pieces of the puzzle fell in place.
Some people definitely can benefit from a diagnosis, even later in life. Especially if itâs the missing âpiece of the puzzleâ like you mentioned.
For me, the things that might feed into a specific diagnosis also are just⌠the way I am. Itâs not like Iâm suddenly going to work on them because now thereâs a label attached. Theyâre the quirks that make me, me.
I grew up in an era where autism basically didnât exist. You just were a bit - or a lot - weird. And you had to conform or deal with it on your own. Nobody was âon the spectrumâ when I attended school. So I wouldnât be surprised if there were a lot of adults out there who have missing puzzle pieces.
Itâs extremely likely youâre on the spectrum. Neurotypicals who do well with neurodivergents usually have to make an effort to do so.
Thatâs definitely something that Iâve noticed in other colleagues outside of our department - they tend to see us as âdifferentâ, based on some of the talk Iâve picked up over the years.
Weâre generally a more introverted, quiet writing department. Which is a stark contrast to the extroverted, loud sales department. To us, they are quite different as wellâŚ
Weâre generally on friendly terms between departments, but outside of purely necessary work interactions, neither group would choose to voluntarily hang out with the other outside of work. I usually try to bridge that gap a bit, but that too takes a bit of effort on my part.
Still, it doesnât really matter if Iâm on the spectrum or not. Itâs not going to really change my outlook on work or life in general.
Iâm the exact same way. I had several roommates in college, and my favorite announced on the first day that they had aspergers, and asked us to help out in processing social interactions. That was by far my favorite roommate at college, probably because Iâm quite introverted and we shared interests.
Likewise, one of my best friends in high school was visibly autistic, with very focused hobbies in collectible card games, WWII history, and political science (theory, not candidates). They went through a period of depression likely triggered by separation anxiety when moving away from home, and now theyâre a therapist working with similar people.
Each of those were very good at getting things done (far more reliable than me), and they were super interesting to talk to in their areas of interest. I wish we had more people on the spectrum at work, because my management style is very compatible with that (very low-touch, unless youâre actively lying to me).
The roommate and friend sound awesome. Iâve been the âemotional support normieâ for a few people on the spectrum over the years. Some do appreciate a bit of handholding in certain situations and Iâm happy to oblige. And all love having someone to talk to about specific interests, who wonât slow them down or cut them off.
I also LOVE what I like to call ârandom autistic encountersâ.
I like movies for example. I see about three per week at my local theatre, always the early, nearly empty showtimes. Movies are a solo activity for me; something I get to enjoy without it sapping my energy.
Turns out, the almost empty showings also tend to attract autistic people as theyâre not as taxing. So the past year, Iâve sat next to a few regulars whoâve struck up post-movie conversations with me after theyâd seen me a few times. Iâm apparently a very welcoming person to talk to.
They know we share at least movies as an interest, so theyâll walk up and start a conversation about that. But after about 10 minutes, weâre talking about stuff ranging from video games to anime, ancient Roman history, board games, obscure 1990âs German railway trivia or whatever else they or I might be into. And after half an hour of chatting with this complete stranger, theyâll casually mention âIâm autisticâŚâ
Usually my reply is âwell duh, thatâs obviousâ. Iâll explain that I work with autistic people and that I can pretty much spot one on sight by now :D
Itâs always fascinating how people think autistic people are quiet or donât like talking. Theyâll happily talk your ear off for an hour straight if you actually engage with them. Iâve met some wildly interesting folks that way.
As to work: we have a very structured workplace with a very set routine, fixed deadlines, that sort of thing. The people weâve had really thrive in our line of work. As long as the work gets done on time, they get a LOT of freedom in how they do it. Weâre very much hands-off management.
We actually actively hire people on the spectrum for our department through a job placement program. Weâre such a good fit for them, they really flourish at our company and leave with more confidence. Weâre willing to work with their specific challenges, as theyâre overall awesome employees.
I think those training videos are more for workplaces like mine where they fired my old boss for accommodating me too much
Thatâs gotta suck. At least in my job, our company owner has a daughter with severe autism so heâs very understanding of the specific needs of people who work there and are on the spectrum. We do probably accommodate a bit too much in some things, but if it keeps people happy and productive, I donât see that as a bad thing.
Empathy is a hell of a drug.
I had a similar experience.
- Most of my friends were generally similar: straight-shooters, into science, and unique.
- I had a friend whose kid I related to so much, that eventho I am generally pretty bad with kids, they used to ask me for advice on how to address certain issues with him.
- When I was at a farmerâs market, I saw some toys that looked interesting. I asked the salesperson what they were for, and she responded saying that they were for autistic kids because it helps them calm down. I seriously said, âMan, those autistic kids know whatâs up.â I bought two of the toys. One was for the kid mentioned above, and the other was for me.
A year later, a friend that is a psychologist tells me that Iâm autistic. I get a formal evaluation just to make sure, and yep, Iâm certainly autistic. For the next year, all these odd experiences in my life start to make sense:
- I tell my friends and they said that they are autistic too and thought I knew because it was so obvious.
- I learn that flappy hands is an autism thing. The kid mentioned flapped his hands whenever he would get excited. They werenât necessarily asking me how to raise their kid. They were asking me for advice with autistic traits and issues.
- They toy was a fidget toy, and I bought one for myself because it was soothing⌠because I am autistic and adhd.
Wtf. Why would anyone care that a kid flaps his hands? To me, itâs so cute and endearing. They are visually communicating how happy and excited they are. It hurts no one, only spreads joy. Sorry you went through that đ
Because some people interpret it as flamboyantly queer when a male does it.
It only led to me masking it, I wouldnât really say it was traumatising. And itâs probably for the best that I cut out the habit đ¤Ł
However, thatâs not where my frustrations lie. My mother contacted my primary school and asked them about it and if I did it during the day or just with my mum around, etc. My mum obviously isnât an expert in Child psychology, however the school should have probably seen it as a tell-tale sign of autism. Instead they just told me off for doing it. Ironically it became a joke among my friends who just thought âThatâs just flax being flaxâ.
Years later I have finished compulsory education and I am seeing a psychiatric nurse, he just mentions âoh and just to make sure, you have autism by the way?â and it was the first I heard of it. He told me that he had just assumed that I had it. Was put on a several year long waiting list and finally got diagnosed.
Also turns out several family members thought I had it, one who was studying to be a teacher, but my mum just ignored their opinion ÂŻâ \â _â (â ăâ )â _â /â ÂŻ (not to rip on her or anything, she just wasnât as well educated on it, had just assumed all people with autism were low functioning)
The way my counsellor put it was âstraight people donât spend a lot of time wondering whether theyâre gayâ.
I donât think thatâs a good analogy at all. Via the power of social media, we are all on the autism spectrum. Everyone, neurotypical or no, shares some traits that can be deemed autistic. Thereâs no particular metric or attribute you can point to that rules it out. Meanwhile, itâs pretty easy (in my experience) to figure out who youâre sexually attracted to. Nobody has to tell you.
Your experience (of figuring out who youâre attracted to) isnât the universal experience
Thatâs totally fair; I was under no illusion that it was. That doesnât make it a good analogy. Anyone who is active on social media and has an ounce of introspection would have reason to question whether or not they might fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. Indeed, in many online spaces, embracing non-neurotypical status is seen as positive, and participants have a social incentive to espouse autistic traits.
Whereas straight people (the group referred to by the analogy) do not, I believe (this is obviously just conjecture, and not at all scientific), generally have cause to question their sexuality, nor are they socially incentivized to do so, unless their peer group is unusually weighted toward non cis/het individuals.