132 points

MrBeast: I don’t really understand for-profit prisons.

Democratic advisor: They’re good because I can make money off of them. You should arrest more people so I can make more money.

Republican advisor: They’re good because I can make money off of them. You should arrest more people so I can make more money.

MrBeast: I understand the issue now. I’m going to make it illegal to not watch every new video that I upload.

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93 points

For problems I’m ignorant in I’d have experts from the left and right advise me on them and try to find the middle ground that’s best for America

The right: Kill all trans people

The left: Don’t kill any trans people

The middle ground: Kill half of the trans people

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42 points

Le epic bacon Thanos doctrine

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27 points
*

What I’m hearing is that the left should start demanding to double the population with exclusively trans people, effectively a -100% murder rate. Then the middle ground will be 0% and centrists can finally agree.

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21 points

Project Resurrect Every Trans Person from the Dead

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This is my position

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5 points

transliving

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Kill trans people… who are brown

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especially since chuds have been laying into him lately on twitter on account of a close associate of his having come out as trans recently (or something like that, I only read that briefly)

so yeah, both sides, huh?

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76 points
*

every single guy who thinks that politics is solved by listening to the left and the right and then coming up with a solution that integrates both viewpoints so everyone is happy actually thinks they are the ubermensch and has a terminal case of solipsism if they don’t immediately go “no wait that’s fucking stupid that’s probably been tried before”

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51 points
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what a fucking novel solution. did you come up with that on your own. i bet you thought long and hard about that. i bet you did a lot of research to synthesize that

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40 points

the idea that no one has yet come up with in question:

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46 points

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49 points

The left wants healthcare, and the right wants genocide, lets meet in the middle and commit genocide without providing healthcare 👍

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32 points

basically Biden is a political genius

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56 points

For problems I’m ignorant in I’d have experts from the left and the right advise me on them and try to find a middle ground that’s best for America.

Didn’t Obama try to do something like that in his first term? I think he called it his “Cabinet of Rivals” or some shit. It sucked.

Wouldn’t be buyable

Aren’t there interviews with this guy where he practically presents himself as a machine that shuts down when it isn’t doing something profitable? Like aren’t there quotes from him where he talks about struggling with motivation and purpose if it isn’t tied to making money? He seems almost exclusively driven by money, so I’m not sure I buy that he’s not buyable.

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Didn’t Obama try to do something like that in his first term? I think he called it his “Cabinet of Rivals” or some shit. It sucked.

It was a “team of rivals” and he snagged the idea from Lincoln lmao. I’m not smart enough to know for sure, but it probably sucked way back then, too

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Considering how Reconstruction went with it starting shortly after his death, I’m inclined to agree.

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7 points

Yes it’s pure liberalism. The “team of rivals” only worked because Lincoln held them together and they (the rivals) had a mutual enemy in the confederacy. It’s basically that centrist meme about planes with both wings on one side of the fuselage “YoU nEeD bOTh WiNgS tO fLy!” horseshit. Meme level analysis and solution. Shallow as some pithy Reagan retort.

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