I’m not a very angry person, I don’t really have it in me to be genuinely pissed most of the time. Sometimes I’ll get irritated, and I can usually kinda DBT my way through it, but honestly I’m really pissed at my ex. The more I think about everything horrible she did and continues doing, the more I kinda spiral into being pissed and it’s not helping me at all but I don’t really know how to decompress all of it. I’m rightfully pissed, she did some truly nuclear shit I’d need content warnings for, and having that anger is healthy at some level. But like I said, I need to get my mind off this shit so I don’t become a bitter divorced dad lol
I think it’s helpful to have a healthy outlet for it. I have relationships where we can vent and get it out, and it feels better just releasing it. Not every friend and romantic partner is good for this, so you gotta choose the right person. Venting on Hexbear is also free, if you gotta do that, then it’s OK.
Some people find journaling helpful. If you can afford it, you can do therapy, it did help me to vent my bs.
I think it’s absolutely fine to need to complain about shit that happened to you in the past. It’s really hard to let go if you’re stuck in the “I’m not allowed to discuss this feeling in my head” process that a lot of people can get trapped in due to their circumstances. Like not everyone has the social or financial resources. Honestly, I didn’t until quite recently.
If you want to complain about your ex in this thread, I’m cool with it. I needed to spend 100+ hours complaining about my ex to get over her, and I wouldn’t even consider her abusive or anything.
I get so intensely pulled into hobbies that it’s hard to focus on anything else, so working on some hobby project is usually a good way for me to forget about shitty things and shitty people. Anime and/or weed can also be effective for that purpose. Oh also, my dog can sense when I’m upset and will do her best to comfort me, so that helps quite a bit too.
smoke ouid
Buddhism has good advice on this.
Or read Ch.7 of this, it’s about 50 pages: https://archive.org/details/feeling-good-the-new-mood-therapy/page/n17/mode/1up
I heard once that anger is a misalignment with your expectations and reality. Once I heard that, it helped me navigate my anger a bit better.
Like, for instance, you expected better treatment and behavior from your Ex. I think it was totally normal and understandable to expect that. I’m angry at the inhuman cruelty of capital, because I expect to live in a world where people are good and kind to each other. You’re right that anger can be a healthy drive, but anger can also be really overwhelming and get out of hand if you feed it too much, so you’ve got to slowly turn the burner down from “bout to go postal” way down to a calm simple “This is not what I expected. I deserve better.”. At that very very low simmer, it’s still a productive drive, it’s still an affirmation of your dignity, but it hasn’t become self-destructive or cruel.
idk, hope that helps, comrade
