Im having trouble with who I am and who I want to be, yet the person that I want to be is an imposible perfect person made up by the imposible expectations of my narcisict parents who ignore the reality of being alive today and the cost of everything.

I have to learn to forgive myself as my parents made me feel guilty for not being able to fix their lives. They wanted me to be their conselor, their financial advisor, their house cleaner etc.

Doing minor amounts of paperwork stuff, because someone forgot they needed my signature on this one thing.

Also, procrastinating on planning this other thing (that’s happening all too soon), but also I don’t think I’m allowed to work on it yet (sort of). Bit of a weird situation.

Thinking about doing medical classes, because it’s been forever since WFR (I think) and whatnot. I’m up to date with my CPR, first aid, and STB, the normal stuff. I’ve toyed around with the idea of being a real EMT, but also I don’t want to change industries (I imagine the pay isn’t amazing). Always been an interest of mine.

As far as things are going in general, I’m doing pretty good. Mentally quite well, though I’m not entirely sure what the difference is between now and the worse times. Tapering stuff quite well, and haven’t had any sort of relapsing for a good while.

I’m here and lurking - my heart is out for you

I will never be happy

Time to return to work. Hoping this won’t end in redundancy or bankruptcy like all my other jobs. This time I’m going to become an immensely boring person for a year, get my finances in order and have actual retirement and emergency funds in place.