Researchers at the University of Southampton in the UK successfully stored the entirety of the human genome sequence onto an indestructible 5D optical memory crystal no bigger than a penny. The indestructibility claims are no joke since the discs can withstand temperatures up to 1,000°C, cosmic radiation, and even direct impact forces of 10 tons per cm2.

121 points

These marketing types shouldn’t be allowed to call anything ‘indestructible’ until they’ve given it to my kid to play with for a week.

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53 points

It’s indestructible, but not unflushable.

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36 points

Throw it in my pocket with my keys and my spare pocket sand. It’ll be destroyed.

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7 points

Rusty Shackleford??

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4 points

Shi shaw!

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11 points
*

Plot twist: it destroys your child. Not physically, morally.

With these new indestructible powers, your child enslaves the entirety of mankind. Forced to adopt a bewildered child’s point of view, humans spend all day with their families and friends, get ample sleep, share food and housing, laugh, cry, and find unbeatable protection just by being near those they love.

People love and lift each other to new heights of unshackled peace. Sciences and arts flourish and humanity enters unprecedented phases of discovery, health, and empathy.

But because your child is the villain of this story, all the politicians and capitalists declare war on your indestructible child. They all lose and die. The villain wins. Everyone celebrates.

The end.

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5 points
*

He would force everybody to be kind to animals and each other, eat raw vegetables, spend more time in the play park and participate in bushcraft activities. He would also ban chromebooks if his opinion of the school computers is anything to go by.

Yes I said raw vegetables. He’s a loveable anomaly.

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4 points

He would also ban chromebooks if his opinion of the school computers is anything to go by.

He’s got my vote lol

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4 points
*

He would force everybody to be kind to animals and each other, eat raw vegetables, spend more time in the play park and participate in bushcraft activities. He would also ban chromebooks if his opinion of the school computers is anything to go by.

Yes I said raw vegetables. He’s a loveable anomaly.

Edit: almost forgot. We would have to spend slightly longer than is healthy, playing Minecraft.

How bizarre. When you edit a comment (in Voyager) it appears as a reply. Sorry for the spam.

Edit: I hereby pay tribute to thefartographer. One who may be good with maps, or the controlled capture of light, or perhaps merely their own miasma.

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2 points

<3

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6 points

“Stores data for billions of years!”

Have you tested it?

“Yes”

For how long?

“…”

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6 points

Careful, it may very well kill your kid and upload them to the cloud

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The ‘5D’ in the name comes from the fact that, unlike 2D markings on a piece of paper or tape, this method uses two optical dimensions and three spatial coordinates to write throughout the material.

Went to the article seeking answers but got only more questions.

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70 points
*

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/5D_optical_data_storage

The “5-dimensional” descriptor is only a marketing term, since the device has 3 physical dimensions and no exotic higher dimensional properties. The fractal/holographic nature of its data storage is also purely 3-dimensional. The size, orientation and three-dimensional position of the nanostructures comprise the so-called five dimensions.

☹️

/edit

Further down in the article it is a little clearer…

In this case, the 5 dimensions inside of the discs are the size and orientation in relation to the 3-dimensional position of the nanostructures. The concept of being 5-dimensional means that one disc has several different images depending on the angle that one views it from, and the magnification of the microscope used to view it.

The website even lists a little more…

In order to increase the data capacity of optical storage, there is the potential of storing more than one bit in a single voxel by implementing multiplex technology. The recently developed 5D optical storage technique uses birefringence as an extra degree of freedom – the property of a medium whereby its refractive index varies depending on the polarization and direction of incident light. Birefringence generated by the orientation and size of optical nano-gratings offers two extra dimensions, providing much higher storage capacities.

So, it’s supposedly three dimensions of position plus angle and (maybe?) polarity. So, it seems to be more than just a marketing gimmick, but I can’t find any information about the resolution of those additional two parameters, so I can’t tell if a single voxel stores two bits or two terabits.

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50 points

It sounds kinda like the “trick” on the internet for fitting more notes onto a note-sheet for an exam. You’re still using the same physical space to store information, but you’re introducing a new degree of freedom that allows you to increase storage density.

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11 points

It makes me think about how the 2.5d glass screen protectors with bevelled edge eventually became 3d for curved screen phones, then 5d, then 9d, and I’ve seen some silly 1000d and 9999d because clearly none of these marketing idiots remember what the d numbers even referred to in the first place. They used to explain what each d gave you and now its just a number and higher is better.

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3 points

dd glass. Unbreakable for your bra, or for copying blocks of data. Or both.

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5 points

Seems more like 5 axis than 5 dimensions.
Sounds like a slice through the crystal that can be moved up and down and rotated through 2 angles (eg roll and pitch)

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4 points

5 axis and 5 dimensions are essentially the same thing, right? A 2D graph has 2 axes, a 3D one has three, 4D graph can be shown with colour representing the 4th axis, etc.

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4 points

So, as I understand it, and I don’t, 5D is just fancy marketing due to the really weird properties of the crystals used to store the data in. They are just calling properties of the crystal, dimensions.


I found the wiki page on it https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5D_optical_data_storage

According to the University of Southampton:

The 5-dimensional discs [have] tiny patterns printed on 3 layers within the discs. Depending on the angle they are viewed from, these patterns can look completely different. This may sound like science fiction, but it’s basically a really fancy optical illusion. In this case, the 5 dimensions inside of the discs are the size and orientation in relation to the 3-dimensional position of the nanostructures. The concept of being 5-dimensional means that one disc has several different images depending on the angle that one views it from, and the magnification of the microscope used to view it. Basically, each disc has multiple layers of micro and macro level images.[16]

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17 points

It’s actually cromulent technical terminology to call those extra degrees of freedom “dimensions”, it’s only in common parlance that “dimension” is restricted specifically to spatial dimension. Having hundreds or even thousands of dimensions is not unknown in data science.

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1 point

The extra dimensions are time and inception. I now know less about it than when I started.

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65 points
*

Digitize all national history, literature, and culture. Put them on a hundred of these and distribute them all over the world. Refresh every 6 mos. Keep one on a server that all the kids can access.

Next time there’s war or whatever intolerant culture comes into power, and loots the museums, stops culture, or blows up statues, at least you’ve kept the history alive.

Think of it as the Library of Alexandria in horcrux form.

P.S. Important to include a user’s guide, reference schematics for the reader, and FAQs, etched into something semi-permanent alongside all the copies.

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20 points

Make sure it has friendly words on the front line Don’t Panic.

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4 points

Hey I just came here from another thread. Can we send someone back in time to invent Pokémon before Nintendo then sue them?

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11 points
*

Just shot them in all directions from the solar system into space, but also add ads so aliens know to ignore and avoid us.

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7 points

Do you like checking out Earth subcultures but don’t want to be identified as an alien and sent to Rwanda? You need Nord VPN.

Clash of Cows: the ultimate 3D mobile game where you can pit your abductees against those of other, less-benevolelant races. Win battles to earn points and abduct new cows, and research newer and greater evolutions for your herd.

Office 365.25. Put your data in the cloud. Next to your spaceship.

Your Microsoft computer has been infected!!! Call our hotline immediately to fix the issue!!

Looking for hot singles near you? Tired of binary systems? Check out Sol.

Had enough of ads? Upgrade to YouTube Premium.

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5 points
*

“Fuck, why is my galactic supermassive DNS sinkhole not blocking these ads!??” - the frustrated alien

PSA: always update your supermassive-Pi-Holes

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4 points

If it’s anything like the similar optical data storage crystals, it’s write only.

They probably have no way to read these yet.

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4 points

How would they know they’ve written to it then?

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1 point

Cool question, don’t know, have fun figuring it out.

I just remember that was the case last time.

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3 points

WORN: Write Once Read Never.

Soon to be improved as,

WORLD: Write Once Read at Later Date.

It gets a bit harder to market if they’re not sure if they wrote successfully:

Write Hopefully Once Read Eventually

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2 points

If they could get VR programming on there, they could even replicate an immersive art exhibit experience. The Mona Lisa might get destroyed, but the VR experience of seeing it in person will at least live on.

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1 point

So I’m imagining them as a legend based on unverified lore, conjecture, and conflicting information with no real evidence of them ever existing and I’m having a difficult time seeing where the value lies in that.

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25 points
*

5 billion years from now some archeologist reconstructing the data found on a usb stick floating in the asteroid belt only to (gleefully) find out it was a porn stash they found.

Now we ofc all know this amazing find under its famous name ‘Rosetta Bone pizza delivery service’.

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20 points

Just enough space for a install of Windows and one AAA title game.

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10 points

COD developers are actively salivating at the thought!

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