Which is why I frequently practice bleeding on people while screaming “I’M SORRY, PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!!!”

Well, except for whoever is likely buried under that pile of dirt

*begins playing violin poorly*

Is it for portraying Jim on The Office? That show was such a success that he really exploded onto the scene

She’s an abandoned baby house

Sure, but only if there’s a line to sign. Cuz banks, my parents, and my grandparents taught me that if you sign things then people can’t steal from you.

Friend_of_Satan, are you trying to imply that somehow something negative could occur after you put your signature on something???

Yeah, but you signed the check so the bank knows it’s real. I see no further possible security transactions beyond what I’ve explained.

I don’t think I could possibly be any more proud of you than I am in this moment

Good news: this is the one that broke my wife.

“WHY IS EVERYTHING BEANS??” She shouted in a defeated tone

I feel so bad for Monica Lewinsky and for us as a nation. She was so young, naive, optimistic, and driven. An old man with power took advantage of all of that and ended up ruining her career for a stupid blowie. Granted, she fucked up by telling her friend, but once again, young and naive.

In the past decade or so, she’s been an incredible speaker and activist and it makes me sadly wonder how different our country would be if she’d stayed in politics. She’s one of those people who I’d love to meet but would be too scared to then learn something disappointing about her.