122 points
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A guy in our data center couldn’t figure out who owned a particular machine that he needed to work on. So his solution to figure it out was to let them come to him. He went and pulled out the network cable and waited. He was escorted out a little while later. The moral of the story is don’t go disabling production machines on purpose.

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95 points

Honestly we do that when we ask and no one speaks up. Lovingly called the “scream test” as we wait to see who screams.

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59 points

I guess it depends on where you work. This was a large datacenter for a very large health insurance company. They made it a point later that day to remind people that it was a fireable offense to mess with production machines like that on purpose. And evidently the service he disabled was critical enough that it didn’t take long for the hammer to come down. There were plenty of ways to find out who owned the machine, he just chose the easiest and got fired on the spot for it.

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3 points

So it wasn’t accurate when you said he “couldn’t” figure it out.

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38 points

Scream tests are a last resort though.

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13 points

Sounds like it was a last resort if he “couldn’t figure out” whose machine it was.

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52 points

Where I worked we had a very important time sensitive project. The server had to do a lot of calculations on a terrain dataset that covered the entire planet.

The server had a huge amount of RAM and each calculation block took about a week. It could not be saved until the end of the calculation and only that server had the RAM to do the work. So if it went down we could lose almost a weeks work.

Project was due in 6 months and calculation time was estimated to be about 5 1/2 months. So we couldn’t afford any interruptions.

We had bought a huge UPS meant for a whole server rack. For this one server. It could keep the server up for three days. That way even if wet lost power over the weekend it would keep going and we would have time to buy a generator.

One Friday afternoon the building losses power and I go check on the server room. Sure enough the big UPS with a sign saying only for project xyz has a bunch of other servers plugged into it.

I quickly unplug all but ours. I tell my boss and we go home at 5. Latter that day the power comes back on.

On Monday there are a ton of departments bitching that they came in an their servers were unplugged. Lots of people wanted me fired. My boss backed me and nothing happened but it was stressful.

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39 points
*

I’d be super gluing those plastic toddler plug covers all over that thing.

fuck those other departments.

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4 points

At a startup a long time ago, I was working on the weekend and brought my 3 year old with me. We had a customer coming in next week and this one machine was 5 days into a 7 day model build.

We had to go into that office to help someone with something unrelated. The little shit saw the blinking light and headed straight for the button.

On this computer (HP 710), it didn’t shut off until you released the button. He actually was just pressing it but got spooked when I tried to get to it.

The next day our CEO told the guys that built that app that it had to be made so it could recover from crashes and restart from where it left off.

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41 points

Yeah, I’ve done that before – after asking literally everyone in IT, plus our external consultants, and getting the go-ahead from my team lead and the head of IT.

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3 points

If you fear reprisal for a scream test then you need to make it look like an accident.

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108 points
*

Guy in my department strolls into my office and says, “Welp, this is probably my last day working here.” I asked him why he would say that. He sits down and shoves his phone across the desk toward me. I start reading and it’s an email from him to the CEO complaining that our boss is, in so many words, a complete fucking moron.

I finished reading and was just like, “Yeah, you shouldn’t have done that.” I mean, he wasn’t wrong. I agreed with basically everything in his email. He was also right about it being his last day working there because he was fired that afternoon.

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37 points

We had a guy that would email the CEO with audio or video of him singing or something. Good dude. Sold people eggs every week from his hens. Got fired for actual bullshit his lead should’ve been canned for.

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16 points

What eventually happened to the boss?

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34 points

Nothing. As far as I know he’s still there. That company was a raging dumpster fire.

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2 points

This sounds a lot like a company I’ve worked at honestly.

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11 points
*

Hmmmmm. Been thinking about starting a youtube channel. Maybe ballads to the CEO could be the theme. I wonder how long before I get called in by hr.

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97 points

This guy in the warehouse made a deal with another guy to sell his porn collection. So he brings it in one day in a big cardboard box and leaves it sitting in the coat room with the top open, you could see X-rated stuff just walking by. Someone says something to management and the box gets confiscated, but they don’t know who it belongs to so that’s pretty much the end of it. Until our hero goes and files a complaint about the theft of his property.

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31 points

Did both parties involved in the transaction get fired?

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2 points

I think the other guy got a warning but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t fired

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83 points

Working on a boat. We got a new shipmate who had worked there on previous seasons, most of us didn’t know him but he was good friends with another member of the crew. The day he got in the two of them spent the night catching up and getting absolutely trashed. Night ended with new guy stumbling in to the cook’s cabin and pissing right on the cook while he was sleeping. New guy was fired that morning without having worked a single day.

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15 points

Hopeful ship was at shore still at the time? Would suck to be fired while out at sea. Awkward ride back.

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9 points
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We were in Puerto Rico for our winter maintenance period, just starting to bring on crew for the sailing season. I’ve never worked on a boat where people drink underway and I don’t think I’d want to.

On boats you usually don’t get told you’re fired until you reach port.

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82 points

Mike would walk into random meetings that he didn’t belong in, lay his head on the table, and knock out. Snored loud as fuck. He did this in my meetings alone at least three times a week.

He’d be found sleeping in the driver seat of his car about once a day too, clocking hours.

I saw the dude sneak up on a lot of people and assault them. Smack mens asses, rub women’s shoulders, he put this catholic nerd in a chokehold and whispered “security can’t help you here, n****” and then let him go.

He’d talk about how sick work from home was, how he’d just play NBA2K and Tekken all day, work on his car, sleep, and get paid.

Homie worked with us for like 3 or 4 months before he got fired. When he left, I got assigned his work. He had one ticket. It was three months old, and it was to update some software on our platform from vX to vX+1. It took me three minutes.

Dude was reading comic books at his desk the entire time he was there. He was really living the dream for a minute, I heard after he got fired that he moved from computers to car mechanic.

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35 points
*

How did that take more than 3 months? Surely he should have been noticed within a week…

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28 points

My company is small enough that it doesn’t legally need HR.

Nobody to report him to except the company owners who didn’t care for a while

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21 points

This doesn’t sound like the dream to me at all

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44 points

Guy was having fun being a menace, and making 6-figures.

He would also record/take pictures of girls he’d meet online, and show off their nudes to people at work. And complain about paying child support. Gross ass dude.

He was hired on the recommendation of an already existing (seemingly normal) employee. Once mike got fired, his recommender immediately ““quit”” before they could also get fired

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9 points

WFH with video games, and watching Office Space and Fight Club a little too literally.

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