Some time ago, I was seeing a post online about “walking on eggshells” and how people were annoyed at this, and it made me think a little. I always try my best to be a respectful and decent person, but when the matter is trans people I do get a bit nervous (I’m an introvert, by the way. I’m already a bit nervous by default). How can I be sure that I’m not offending someone while also not looking so worried about it?
It’s not hard.
If you meet a trans woman, treat her as you would any other woman and don’t ask invasive personal questions.
If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, then don’t assume you do, and use gender neutral terms until either they or one of their friends/colleagues communicates their pronouns.
The whole “walking on eggshells” thing is because there are transphobes out there who deliberately paint us that way. They push and push until they get a reaction, and then use that reaction to push some more. If you’re not doing that, it’ll be ok, even if you fuck up
You can never be 100% sure, because people are people, but just treat trans people as people and don’t do things to draw attention to them being trans.
if your worried you may be causing offense just ask, as long as it isn’t blatantly offensive or highly personal most people who are worth interacting with will give you an honest response. as long as you show your trying to treat the way they want to be treated, they will recognize it even if you stumble because you haven’t found your footing yet.
Sorry I’m in a bad mood today. You can’t make sure not to insult/assault somebody, because even when you act in best faith, somebody can come along, interpret your actions totally different, and accuse you of something.
We need to care less about all of the bullshit that other people allege us with and listen more to what we think is right ourselves.
sorry for the rant. just had a bad day.
I could be wrong, but I think it’s mostly a matter of familiarity? If a cis person is familiar enough with the trans experience and struggles, they’re not gonna say anything that’s a problem, because it’ll be obvious.
