63 points

I doubt Southern Christians could understand the sarcasm, but I still want a campaign of billboard signs with quotes like these across bible country

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24 points

That’s a gofundme I would throw a few bucks at. How much does it cost to take a few billboards for a month or two on I-40? A few thousand?

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16 points

I don’t really know where I-40 is or have an answer to your question, so this comment is tangential at best. Sorry.

Last time I drove through Ohio there were two kinds of billboards, often alternating:

  1. Jesus hates sinners! Repent!
  2. Hardcore strip club with naked ladies and full penetration, next right!

It was quite an entertaining dichotomy.

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3 points

This is interstate 40.

Your experience is very similar to what my trip through SC on I-95 was. But with some occasional regional things. We went a little out away from 95 just to cross buc-ees off the bucket list.

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7 points

Southern Christians had their own version of the Bible to justify slavery. They told these stories to their slaves.

TIME: How Christian Slaveholders Used the Bible to Justify Slavery

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2 points

Do you know if they still adhere to the slavery Bible? If so, they probably wouldn’t even know how far from what Jesus actually taught they are, and our billboards would be useless lol

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80 points

Supply side Jesus!

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25 points

Then Jesus said to the children “Pull yourselves up by your bootstraps”.

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9 points

Pull yourself up by your sandal straps

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18 points

And then Jesus said: “It’s her fault that she got raped and pregnant. Kick her out of our community, that whore.”

He probably really said that at some point in his life.

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1 point

That’s some old testament shit though, technically doesn’t apply to christians.

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16 points

I mean, he accepted Mary Magdalene who was a literal prostitute.

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25 points

Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute. That’s a common misconception.

The portrayal of Mary Magdalene as a prostitute began in 591, when Pope Gregory I identified Mary Magdalene, who was introduced in Luke 8:2, with Mary of Bethany (Luke 10:39) and the unnamed “sinful woman” who anointed Jesus’s feet in Luke 7:36–50.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Magdalene

But Jesus was most certainly very accepting of people from all walks of life. That was like his whole purpose. So the other comment about him rejecting people from the community is dead wrong. If anything, people reproached him because he was too accepting of the “sinners”.

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12 points

Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute.

Part of the problem with all of these stories is that they’re largely intended as parables and are cobbled together from a litany of testimonials of which only four remain canonical.

Mary as a holy woman and as a sex symbol aren’t in contradiction. Quite a few of the early underground Christian organizations had their own bacchanals and orgiastic rituals, right in line with the traditions of their Roman-Era Middle Eastern peers. Age the stories 580 years and put them within the context of a far more conservative and doctrinaire church, obsessed with lineages and bloodlines rather than parties and popular evangelism, and Mary transforms from a kind-of Aphrodite-esque esoteric priestess into a harlot running a brothel.

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2 points

That’s just him acknowledging sex work is work

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-2 points

Everybody needs a squeeze…

Ghandi had teenagers around him for totally not sex.

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11 points

And then Jesus said “yeah, but what was she wearing?”

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4 points

He probably really said that

“Take her from this place, and bring her back to my place, where my own hands will see she receives that which she is due.”

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3 points

I think you’re quoting somebody else.

But for a real quote,

Let him who is without sin throw the first stone.

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2 points
*

I think you’re quoting somebody else.

An oblique reference to a Monty Python bit about a judge ordering a bailiff to escort an accused prostitute back to his house. I’d dig up the clip but can’t seem to find one on YouTube.

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