Don’t touch anything. Leave the area immediately.
Call 911, report the event. Call a lawyer immediately. Right after 911. If there is time I’d notify my immediate family. Ask them to coordinate with the lawyer, and my work, in case I’m not available.
Wait until I have representation before giving a statement to the police. This will be super duper hard to do, but I’ll just keep saying “my lawyer is XXX, I will only make a statement with my lawyer. I’m using my right to remain silent until then”
Have my lawyer contact the next of kin. Work with home owners insurance to iron out any issues.
If not in jail help organize the funeral arrangements with my friends family. Hire biohazard cleaners to clean house, stay outside the house until that’s resolved.
Have a monk or priest come by to bless the house again and put any spirits to rest. (just in case)
Thorough! Jet’s Checklist for Dealing with Spontaneous Combustion sounds like a lore item in a game.
why did this play out like the most bitchin suspense thriller in my mind just now?
Cordless stick vacuum. Roomba’s don’t do as well with ash because of the spinning brush.
Feel like thats a broom and dustpan situation, both due to likely quantity of ash, and wanting to preserve them with minimal contamination for a urn or just ash spreading disposal.
Actually ordinary household vacuums are notoriously bad at sucking ashes from human remains. There are special vacuums for fireplaces and such that do way better job, Id recommend one of these
I would probably never invite them ever again
Get a broom and a dust pan
Google or ask on !asklemmy about the price of vampire dust and how to preserve it.
