Hey everyone,
I [28F] need some advice on handling anxiety when job hunting.
Almost a week ago I finished school and I’m once again without work. I’ve been job hunting about 40-50% of my adult life and it has taken a huge toll on my mental health to the point where I’m barely able to apply for jobs anymore. I have gotten a few warnings over the years due to not applying to enough jobs. ( I live in Sweden btw )
I have tried taking breaks.
I have tried waiting for the anxiety to pass.
I have asked so many for advice but it’s like they all give the same default answer. If their advice where enough, I would be a pro at job hunting.
I did get an autism diagnosis a few years back and I do feel better about myself, more confident and understanding of how I work so I think this time around will be different, but it’s like the old anxiety still hangs around and I don’t know how to get rid of it.
Please if you have any advice, I’d love to hear it.
40-50% seems high, even for a 28yo, but I don’t know your situation. I find job hunting to be horrific, despite always doing well in interviews.
The reason I do well is because I target the job I want, then mask and overprepare like an absolute psychopath for however long it takes … so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that.
I’m mostly on the other side of the desk these days, and interviewing other people has revealed a lot about the process. One thing I learned (about senior-level knowledge workers, at least) is that people are often looking for a good fit as much as a person’s capability.
I don’t know what industry you’re in, I’ve been in frontend development and now UX design, and many designers fail to demonstrate soft skills - flexibility of process, communication, emotional intelligence, etc. That doesn’t make up for everything, and some ND individuals find that very hard, but it can be learned.
My point is, I’ve seen many good people miss out because they misjudge how they’re being assessed.
I think I where unemployed so much because I used to be so insecure thinking things like “I have nothing to give this company” I acted like I was sorry for breathing the same air as others and I’ve been scared to say my wants and needs or almost anything at all because I never knew when I would be scolded. (it’s a bit more complex than that, but that’s a story for another time)
So I’ve always agreed to those around me and followed along.
But not anymore, after I moved away from home and later got my autism diagnosis, I’m much much better at everything tbh.
I am a frontend dev now, previously I was an electrician (never got a job as that) and a forklift driver, I do have some experience with that.
I like to think my softskills are fairy good but it might take some more time for a NT to see them as I express them in a different way and usually not as obvious. I think.
People don’t often give clear answers when asking about these things.
I’ve been thinking about asking to have the interview (or part of it) outside their office, like, if we take a walk or something just to get out of that stiff and understimulating room.
Oh cool ok, so we’re in a similar area of work and it’s great that you’ve got a diagnosis and that it’s been positive. Autism was pretty prevalent within my previous team, my best developers happened to be somewhere on that spectrum. I suspect it was more on the end of what used to be called Asperger’s. Those individuals’ ability to apply logic and learn/focus deeply, hugely outweighed any social inhibitions or accommodations we needed to make.
My tactic for the last 5 or so years has been to appear to care a bit less. I overprepare to give myself confidence, but I’ve noticed a pattern - the more relaxed I appear, the more successful I am. Probably not helpful advice because it’s easier said than done, but I do suffer with high anxiety, and worrying more just causes me to worry more.
Being up-front about your communication style helps. I’ve had people start an interview by saying they’re nervous, and that’s visibly helped them to relax. I’ve had others tell me they can come across as blunt, and that’s good to know, and wasn’t off-putting.
Asking for the accommodation of getting out of the office would come across well to me. It says you know yourself, you’re confident enough to ask, and it’s only a request - they can say no (though that also serves as a good measure of how accommodating they will be).
Autism now a day has 3 levels which are used to describe how much support one needs afaik. level 1 is no or little support, which is where Aspergers is. Levels 2 and 3 require a lot of support, idk much about the levels tho.
I’ve noticed that too, when I don’t take it as seriously I’m also more relaxed and that makes me do better.
It’s really hard to not care about something important, I kinda feel like I’m going to be dead before the year ends if I don’t manage to get a job. It’s not true of course, but that’s how important it feels.
I like to say I’m nervous too.
I’m not sure how to describe my communication style, I’ll have to read about that! _
That’s comforting to hear, do you think I should ask before the interview, at the beginning, or both?
The way to alleviate anxiety is to willingly approach the thing that makes you anxious. Do it in small enough increments that you don’t overwhelm yourself.
As a person with autism (like me) you likely have lower than average working memory. You can expand your working memory by playing Follow That Frog on Lumosity for 60 minutes straight without taking a break.
People will say that Lumosity has no effect but the procedure I described is not the same one they used in the study that concluded Lumosity doesn’t work. Other studies which have used procedures similar to the one I described (60 mins, same game on repeat, no breaks) have shown efficacy.
Be warned that for two or three days after your working memory training session everything will be worse, not better. But once you recover, everything will be better.
Thanks for the advice, I do have a lower working memory, but Limosity costs money and that is something I don’t have right now.
I try to do a bit of job hunting with long breaks in between, taking small steps to make an application, sometimes it can take almost a week to send an application…
Here you go, this one’s free: https://www.braingymmer.com/en/brain-games/n_back/play/
A word of warning: For me at least, 60 minutes of training makes my brain feel numb and my working memory is way worse for a couple of days. It feels a lot like being sleep deprived; it’s frustrating how difficult it is to think. Then after a few days it’s the opposite. Everything is easier. But there is that downtime to consider.
But I’ve found if I do a 20-minute session, I get a little boost in performance without any discernable downtime at all.
I highly recommend that at some point you do a 60-minute session, if only to feel the contrast in working memory before and after. But you have to be able to handle a couple days of feeling stupid and slow.
But if you’ve got a lot going on and no downtime, no days where you can afford to be lazy and slow and recover, the smaller sessions are probably better.
Have you analyzed what about job hunting specifically is giving you anxiety? EG is it a fear of rejection, something about compiling your life onto a CV, something else I can’t think of?
I don’t think any advice will be helpful unless you can identify what it is that is causing the anxiety.
I think it’s about how perfect and unique each application has to be. But there is only so much variation I can make.
I also think it’s about the bureaucracy itself, if something goes wrong I should have known. Always. because we don’t have civil service liability (as I understand it).
It’s like this whole thing gives me anxiety.
So it sounds like maybe your issues are a) needing to challenge your mental rules about the effort that is/isn’t required for the application and b) accepting things that are outside of your control.
For your first issue, why does every application have to be perfect and unique? Yes the general recommendation is to tailor your resume/CV for each role, but if that is causing you so much stress you can’t even apply then don’t. Maybe it would be better to come up with a template you can use for each application. For instance if you are applying for are cashier, server, and front desk type roles maybe you just have a template for each of those roles that you can shoot off when you come across a job that you want to apply for. Don’t let perfection be the enemy of good.
For the second one, that’s tough. At the end of the day you really have to accept that you can’t predict everything. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and the best you can do is use it as a learning experience for the next time. If you can’t manage this on your own with your anxiety, then I second @fodderoh’s suggestion for seeking out a therapist.
I’ve been told multiple times things like:
- if there is a tiny misspelling or wrong grammar it would look like I don’t care for the job.
- the employee knows if the letter is unique, they know by how it’s written.
- the application must stand out from the crowd, nearly everyone looks identical and uninteresting.
Side note: For a while, I had a red panda drawn on my cv in a desperate attempt to be unique, I was quite proud and everyone said it was good. A few years later I think it’s ugly af and I even feel a bit of shame for using it. It feels like everyone lied about it looking good.
I hope the second one will calm down as I get used to being in this system and I know how it will be. I’m having a “start-up” meeting next week.
This worked for me, maybe it can work for you: Try applying to places you’re not worried about losing a job at, and then working your way up to the job you want. I know it sounds silly, but try walmart or mcdonald’s for a little bit, keep reminding yourself it’s not that serious, it’s just money in your pocket. Hopefully that helps. Little steps still move you forward. I struggle with the same thing. Sending positive vibes.
It’s not silly, not at all.
I don’t think I can take jobs at those places tho, the tempo is way to high and the environment is way to overstimulating. A grocerystore could work if I get to do it in a slower pace and take breaks often and/or wear noicecanceling headphones.
Thank you tho <3
In the U.S. staffing agencies exist for some industries that do most of the application process for you. Is that an option in Sweden for the industries that you are qualified for?
