It’s not about deciding your the best friend. It’s about being a good friend and it happens naturally. No one owes you anything but you have to keep being a good friend. A good friend is as good as a best friend.
If a good friend or best friend tells you a ridiculous secret, don’t under any circumstances, no matter how much time has past, no matter how silly the secret seems, don’t tell it to anyone else, ever.
I learned this the hard way…it’s usually a test.
Depends on context but get along, be supportive, be thoughtful and do it altruisltically.
A good friend should not:
- Betray their friend
- Hate their friend
- Torment their friend
- Lie to their friend
- Give too much, or take too much, in a way that reduces competence in taking care of themselves
- Conspire with others for their friends detriment or for their benefit (unless in the benefit case the conspiracy is short-lived and quickly revealed by plan, like a surprise party)
Someone specific, or just anybody? There are lots of people out there who have no friends, so making one friend would give you a good shot at being a best friend.
Keep in mind, friendship is not a competition, so if you’re looking to edge someone out of the top spot, you’re probably going about it wrong. But I don’t think that’s what you meant.
The best way to make a friend is to be the friend you wish you had. If you wish someone would call you, call someone. If you wish someone would go somewhere with you, go there and invite people to come along. If nobody wants to join you, maybe you’ll meet someone there who shares your interests.
It’s not necessary that best friends share interests, and it’s perfectly acceptable to tell your best friend you aren’t in the mood for whatever they are doing. But it’s also good to break out of your comfort zone and try new things. Good friends challenge each other, but also support each other.
Not exactly giving a direct answer but just wanted to talk about the mindset.
I think it’s different for everyone. Some people need time to before feeling comfortable to build up a close relationship. Some people can click with people quickly.
Even a more reserved person might be able to click with another person quickly given the right chemistry. Other times it might take a while.
I’ve also seen social butterflies who can be friends with most people but have trouble making deeper connections.
There’s definitely no “best way” to be friends / best friends with someone. Usually it just happens after spending some time with together and the both of you enjoy each other’s company.
I’d Just say to keep an open minded about it. People can be different and that’s fine. Touch grass now and then, join some hobby classes (consistency helps), do some volunteering.
Show up. Ask them to come when you do things. No matter what they are asking you to do you show up. Make room for them in your life too, every time you have room in your car let them know it would be great if they filled that seat. After enough time spent together you will have a much better grasp of what invitations mean something to them. You will also figure out when you actually want to be alone and when you would like to have company.
No matter what they are asking you to do you show up.
Ah, within legal limits…
Wrong! The law is a broken dead husk of last century’s ideals. It’s not a moral code.
Breaking the law with friends is an amazing bonding experience. Just make sure it isn’t something immoral.
And don’t get caught.
People like to be acknowledged. So if you are chatting to someone and they mention there is something coming up (a date, a test, an interview for a job, etc) then next time you see them ask them how it went.
If they are into films or TV shows or books you could ask them what they are liking at the moment and if they’d recommend it. If it’s of interest to you, check it out and let them know what they thought.
If someone needs help and you can spare the time then help them. They may say “I owe you one” but don’t keep a track because everyone’s time and availability is different and you could get bitter if you thought you were putting in way more than them. Just keep an eye out for people who might be taking advantage of your good nature.
Say “yes” more often - if someone invites you to a social occasion and you aren’t sure, say “yes”. Try not to make it a blanket “yes” or people might take advantage ot it could start getting out of hand (I had to stop doing it for that reason).
Listen, ask questions, don’t interrupt and go “that reminds me of the time I…” then launch into a 5 minute story that ends “but I suppose you had to be there to appreciate it.”
