latenightnoir
C’mon! Let’s get this shizz started, I’ve been workin’ out my smoke grenade kickin’ leg!
Late edit, because I got triggered, apparently: I swear this would be the dream. Like, just to see something else, at this point friggin’ anything, other than what we’ve been seeing pretty much since humans first decided they wanted to have more than the other guy. I’m so fucking tired of seeing people stepping over other people’s throats just to get an inch higher up the ladder, a ladder which is purpose-built to serve the exact opposite effect by those who already own the grand majority of us.
It’s not even for us at this point, speaking of those of us who are alive on this planet. I, for one, can feel that fucking ideological corruption still clinging to my moral fibre like a rancid mold no matter how much I try to scrub myself of it. God damn it, I wanted to have kids at one point, but I sure as shit won’t bring’em into this mess!
It puts the “cool” in gherkin!
Eggy farts. Eggy farts aaall day long! Especially during the company meeting!
As the other commenters have already said, I, too, recommend seeing a therapist about this. But I want to offer an alternative perspective, from personal experience.
A lot of what you’ve said is very similar to something I went through and partially am still currently going through. I used to feel a deep sense of not belonging, of being a misfit, which saturated me so much so that at one point I fell into a deep, self-loathing depression.
Just like you’ve stated, it wasn’t necessarily a static thing, like depression frequently seems to be, it felt active, like a response to a real ‘something,’ but my comorbid childhood trauma made me believe I was the problem.
I started going to therapy when enough became enough, and therapy helped me understand that, yes, I am a misfit, but a misfit in the context of this society and its state. My values do not match what society deems important. My beliefs don’t match the common dogma. I don’t have ambitions in the traditional sense, because my ambitions are centered around concepts like fairness and justice, around comprehension, not status and/or possessions.
Therapy didn’t help me get over these because there was nothing, really, to get over. But it did help immensely in the sense that I felt understood for the first time in a long time. it encouraged me to redirect my frustrations toward trying to be the change I want to see. I got into politics for the first time, I started actually reading the people and theories which matched my values to understand as much as I can of them. Basically, it helped me accept myself as a misfit for everyone but myself. And slowly but surely, that also started filtering people with whom I actually had common subjects. And it turned that general dejection at seeing the world as it is into a motivating anger.
It also heped me understand that all of this was causing me immense emotional discomfort precisely because I, too, love life and everything living. How could one not suffer when seeing that which one loves is suffering?
Maybe this is not the case for you, I dunno. Not offering this up as a solution, just as a different example. Still highly recommend therapy, talking to someone who’s open to listening and understanding always helps.
Every time I see this guy’s face I think: lobster social hierarchies. And then I laugh my ass off.
