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“Celery tastes like water” is somwthing people only say because they heard other people say it. It clearly does not
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I don’t know if I would call it spicy, been a long time since I had just celery though. But I am really sensitive to the taste of it.
Even if you chop it up small and cook it into something, for me it ruins a meal and gives it this horrible aftertaste. Probably best described as puke, that kinda acidic taste