Got back from family vacation, got on the dreaded Facebook, found out the woman who was my first gf 12 years ago, and subsequently a friend I talked to pretty frequently, had died of liver failure at 33 years old.
Looking back on it, when she was drinking 12 years ago it just seemed like a fun time. I didn’t know she sustained that pace for a decade plus. Some other things took a toll too, like an eating disorder.
Anyways, I am fuckin sad, fuck alcohol, it’s as bad as heroin but capitalism gotta make that $$$$$
I need to quit drinking but it’s very habit forming and I frequently find myself just being like. where’s my drink? I’m playing games at my desk, where’s my sip of ambrosia? I’m taking a shower when I get home from work, where’s my shower beer? like everything I do when I’m drinking gets associated with it and then it feels like it’s missing. And part of my drinking is self medicating for insomnia so it’s especially hard when it’s like “well fuck I have work tomorrow I wanna make sure I fall asleep” but the thing is I always have fucking work tomorrow.
it would help if weed still like, got me stoned, but it really doesn’t hit me like it used to, like I literally physically cannot smoke enough fast enough unless I’m taking edibles. And no, a tolerance break isn’t a solution because then I have literal weeks to months of just fucking torment
not that you wouldn’t still hit a limit but you could do dabs instead of smoking bud.
yeah but then I’d need to buy all kinds of dab shit and idk if my weed dude is a dab dude, I just know he’s a weed dude and can probably get coke lmao
realistically what I need to do is start growing weed and processing it into tinctures since then I can concentrate it myself but then I’d need to buy like a tent and filters and shit and like learn how to set all that shit up because I live in an apartment and I’m poor and lazy
i grew a couple plants so I know I can do it but unfortunately I did not buy feminized seeds so, while beautiful, they were useless
Feminized seeds aren’t worth it and IMO they’re just a trick from unethical breeders interests to push feminized seeds and autoflowering seeds.
my main addiction is weed. I wanted to stop smoking, so i just stopped buying flower/vape cartridges and it turns out if i don’t have it, i don’t miss it. But alcohol is def more physically addicting. Weed for me was just the ritual of “guess i better smoke 4 times a day.” Working from home made it much worse.
I’m by no means sober, but when I don’t want to drink but still want the feeling of having a tasty drink with less candy sweetness than American soda, I have found a few good options. Italian bitter sodas like Crodino, Sanbitter and Chinotto. And pathfinder: hemp and root. They have the complexity of a good cocktail without the alcohol. Expensive though.
tbh I stopped drinking recently and I found i got a lot of mileage out of replacing it with yummy things that helped trick my reptile brain
the monkey clapping cymbals in my head thinks that a non alcoholic beer is a beer, and it thinks a nice soda water w/ bitters is a cocktail
I take some drug store sleepy meds before bed since I had similar feelings you do re: insomnia / ‘i need to drink to sleep’
I find the combination of tasty fake alcoholic treats + things that accomplish what my body is concerned about creates enough of a placebo for me personally.
