I’m not sure I should start this conversation and I’ve been rewriting this a lot lol. But I could use some relating and opinions from fellow internet leftists
Ok so, to keep it really simple: I happened to share a meal with somebody I really liked. I have interacted casually (no flirting) for about a dozen minutes total and we exchanged contact because of shared-interests (not dating)
Now my brain is fried
I’m thinking about her way too much and it gives be bad vibes, she probably has no idea and I can’t imagine the sheer horror of realising that someone is thinking this much about you after so little interaction.
I want to be a well-behaved straight (kinda bi but that’s beyond the point) guy, I’m trying to be an ally to the feminist cause, so, failing this spectacularly at behaving normally in relation to women disgust me. I know I can’t remove the patriarchy from my body but I damn wish I could.
You’re getting a lot of “You do you, bestie!” in the responses and I’d like to gently push back on that. As someone who shared with them the false liberal thought that “there’s no ethics of cognition/feeling,” I have since come to learn that there is and it can be kind of important for your mental health to recognize that, depending on what challenges you experience to begin with. Some cognitive patterns can have a negative impact on you inherently (negative self-talk is a classic example), some can more directly get in the way of doing positive things (read any testimonial about porn addiction), and some will make you more prone to harm others (pedophilia, for example). Counterproductive thought patterns can catch people by surprise at various points in their life, but they shouldn’t shrug and say “You do you, bestie!” and then indulge in those patterns.
That said, I think you’re fine, this sort of thing wears itself out in a matter of days normally and, if it hasn’t, you should probably seek more serious advice. In the meantime, rather than beat yourself up for having a crush (beating yourself up is another negative pattern), it would be much better to simply try to redirect your thoughts to something else. If you are incapable of refocusing after you’ve had the moment of lucidity needed to realize you should refocus, then that’s another sign that it’s a more serious issue. That said, there is probably nothing serious about it.
Problematic thoughts and unhealthy thoughts aren’t the same thing, I always read the advice as meaning “there is no thoughts you should feel shame over” which is pretty good advice actually because shame doesn’t help correct thought spirals that much
I agree about shame and you’ll notice I mentioned something to that effect (beating yourself up). I think the line between “problematic” and “unhealthy” is a bit hazy, since problematic thoughts tend to be anti-social and anti-sociality is unhealthy.
A lot of people do. I’m not trying to make a condemnation, it’s just something to work on. Like with the OP thing, since I’m no therapist, the main suggestion I can offer is “Try to focus on other things”. If you fuck something up, don’t waste time kicking yourself, think of how to fix it!
