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Okay, I’m gonna bite the bullet and say it. This is disheartening. I’m not one to clutch pearls, but come on. Would you say this about anyone else? Dogs? Cats? Anything at all? Do you understand how fucked up it is? I just don’t get it. It was the same in Reddit, and it’s fucking same in here. Why do you hate children? You don’t wanna have them, that’s fine. Why would you say these things?

Maybe you’re joking. Even after assuming that you are, this is in poor taste and a fucked up thing to say.

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60 points

Maybe you’re joking

Gee, you think?

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Finish that line, buddy.

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35 points
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I’m not your buddy, pal, and I don’t appreciate the accusation.

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29 points

U don’t hate children but what i hate is that one child with shitty parents will ruin the entire flight for everyone else.

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1 point

It’s usually the air pressure causing the kid some pain from mild barotrauma / airplane ear. They can’t help it. No amount of good or bad parenting changes the pressure differential in the inner ear.

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-18 points

Do shitty parents and upset children exist? Absolutely.

Yet everyone seems to ignore that maybe, just maybe, that child is being “shitty” despite having good parents.

Maybe the kid has a medical issue causing pain and discomfort and there’s not a damn thing the parent can do except get on that flight to see a specialist.

Maybe she’s fleeing domestic violence and needs to get to family to safe.

Maybe the mother has postpartum depression and unfortunately cannot properly care for her child so she’s seeking help elsewhere.

Fuck maybe the kid has an undiagnosed brain tumour that’s going to kill them. I know people that happened to.

If you go around assuming everyone else who inconveniences you in the slightest is a shit person, you will be a shit person.

So get over yourself. You might have a slightly less comfortable flight while that poor parent might be going through the worst time in their life.

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13 points

See, here’s the neat thing about things. You get to choose what you do and don’t care about. Empathy should not go so far as to cost. Your baby is not my problem and it’s your responsibility to keep it that way. I have my own, I didn’t take them to public places till they were able to have some self control. Is that always possible? No, but it’s really obvious if you are the type of person who doesn’t even try.

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9 points

Of course these things do exist but most of the time(at least in my experience) the problems are shitty parents.

For example I had 2 kids crawling under my seat for the whole flight(takeoff and landing included) and the parents just watched something on the phone.

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-3 points

Yet everyone seems to ignore that maybe, just maybe, that child is being “shitty” despite having good parents.

If you’re bringing an infant onto a plane, you’re a shitty parent.

Maybe she’s fleeing domestic violence and needs to get to family to safe.

You don’t need a plane for this

Maybe the kid has a medical issue causing pain and discomfort and there’s not a damn thing the parent can do except get on that flight to see a specialist.

You don’t need a plane for this

Maybe the mother has postpartum depression and unfortunately cannot properly care for her child so she’s seeking help elsewhere.

You don’t need a plane for this

I think you can figure out the pattern for the rest of your points.

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25 points
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As a parent of two boys, i feel that much of the annoyance of no-children-having people is due to parents not putting boundaries for children in place.

Children scream because of attention. It means they are not getting it.

Start walking around with the kid to calm it down. Its your job as a parent. You cannot stay seated and act like “what are you gonna do? They are children ! They scream!”

No. You are a bad parent for letting them just scream.

Having said that, babies sometimes just scream without reason. Perhaps, and I mean this, if you have a baby that is prone to doing this, do not travel in confined spaces, or dine at restaurants until that phase of screaming is over.

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17 points
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You can train dogs and cats to be quiet and sit still. Not all of them will be happy doing it for a long plane ride, but you can do it. Babies on the other hand? Babies don’t give a fuck.

Hungry?

Scream.

Tired?

Scream.

Happy?

Scream.

Mad?

Scream

You can do everything right and the baby will still scream.

See, I have this speculation that early humans were fucking dumb, had no object permanence, couldn’t keep track of their kids, and generally pretended they didn’t exist unless they were being annoying. So their babies had to fucking scream as loud as a firetruck for their parents to not lose them.

That’s the other thing too. The sound of a crying baby will drive anyone who doesn’t have antisocial personality disorder or has been driven deaf by the wonders of childcare completely insane. Why? Because while the sheer volume of a baby’s scream might not be as loud as a barking dog on an objective decibel scale, but when it comes to perceptual decibel levels, babies are loud. Our hearing sensitivity varies based on pitch. The higher the pitch, the more sensitive our ears are. On top of that, our brains are hardwired to have a reaction to a screaming baby, which can manifest itself as irritation, annoyance, frustration, and other negative emotions, because our primitive monkey brains are screeching, “WHY WON’T YOU TAKE CARE OF BABY!?” but we can’t do anything because it’s not our baby.

That’s why people like to make jokes about dead babies, infant abuse, etc. Because babies are annoying as hell and literally everything they do is designed to make sure we know they’re there at all times.

Edit: AND ONE MORE THING, have you ever wondered how a parent can love their baby when it’s quiet but hate it when it’s awake? Yeah, that’s almost certainly a result of primitive humans trying to take advantage of the fact that the annoying poop demon was finally quiet and wasn’t ear-fucking their monkey brain into guilt-tripping them anymore, so that they could ditch their babies when they were sleeping. So you can probably thank the negligent, sociopathic protohumans for babies being annoying as shit.

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14 points

I love this theory that early (and current) humans were so incompetently stupid that we evolved to fucking scream all the time just so they don’t walk away and forget us.

Considering how many kids get left in locked cars in the summer, as well as no other species of animal has annoying ass babies I have to canonize this as the Truth.

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8 points
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Consider this as well: if you’re a primitive human and you have to take your baby somewhere, you’re going to be praying to whatever deity(s) you believe are watching over you that your baby understands the severity of the situation and doesn’t start screaming in the middle of the jungle. 'cause if it does, every predator in a 5 mile radius is going to hear your baby screaming and dinner bells will start going off in their heads. Our only major survival traits are our near-infinite stamina (if properly trained) and ability to magically fuse or deform useless objects into something useful. Additionally, the usefulness of both of those traits diminishes with the size of the group as a single human with a spear is far less likely to survive a tiger attack than two humans with spears. To put it another way, your baby will actively alert predators that you’re burdened with its existence and that you could be free food so that you get removed from the gene pool if you’re stupid or unlucky enough to travel alone.

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14 points

To be honest you can train your baby to be quiet, it just takes like 12 years

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1 point

Considering some babies i know, it’s still failure after 50+ years…

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9 points

Babies evolved to cry all the time because their parents had this habit of making the species that just looked at the baby in a weird way go extinct.

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7 points

Would you say this about anyone else? Dogs? Cats? Anything at all?

What an odd comparison, given that pets are crated and put in (a warm/pressurized part of) the cargo bay. Is that better then hiding under a seat or the overhead bin? It seems about the same to me.

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2 points

No i wouldn’t think this about dogs and cats etc. As those are not annoying 24/7. Of course there are dogs and cats that are but the majority is well behaved… unlike Babies

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Maybe you’re joking. Even after assuming that you are, this is in poor taste and a fucked up thing to say.

Good. Making Anthony Jeselnik proud.

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