Let’s say both the guy and girl make the same amount of money and are both good at and enjoy cooking and cleaning.
Would it be wrong for a guy to want the girl to give equal contribution financially to the relationship if he’s also willing and capable of contributing equally to domestic duties?
In this same scenario, would it be wrong for him to expect her to cook and clean if he’s expected to handle the financial aspects of the relationship?
Surely there are no hard and fast rules in any relationship. It works for some, and not for others. Instead of looking for a universal rule, from which to judge the ‘quality’ of your relationship, you need to communicate your needs and opinions to your SO and come to a mutual solution. You also get to decide if that solution is what you need in an SO. Surprise, so does she. Incompatible means incompatible, unfortunately, but better to get it out in the open and part ways amicably than get burdened with a civil union and a messy breakup.
The key to the solution here is to forget (for a while) the money and the cooking and the cleaning, because they are secondary questions.
Primary are the wanting, the expecting, and the talking about these.
Start with talking. Talk about talking. Then talk about wanting and about expecting.
But never want without talking about it, and never expect without talking about it.
Its wrong to use societal expectations to pressure your partner into taking on more than they are comfortable with. If you cant communicate your feelings, especially those around building a home together, the home will be dysfunctional.
Find something custom that both are you are happy with, try out new things, decide together what is fair. Not what your parents or grandparents or peer group think is fair… but the people building a home together.
Something doesn’t feel right? Ask for advice sure, use the advice to sort out for yourself why it doesn’t feel right. Communicate how you feel to your partner. Explain the burden and ask for support.
What is your agenda here? It seems very pointed.
My advice is to just be open and honest, and most good people will be fair in response.
He wants to belittle his partner because he makes the money and thinks his partner should be doing the chores by default.
Wait till they realize sometimes it’s not always going to be fair. My wife got laid off, but then a week later diagnosed with a back issue that put her in bed for several weeks. That meant I had to go to work as usual, do all the housework myself including the cooking, take care of the pets, etc. It was a lot and sometimes stressful but I did it without complaint because I love my wife. When we had company coming and she was feeling better I asked her if she could take on a few of the lighter duties, and guess what, she did it without complaining because she loves me right back.
March will be 25 years together.
It’s interesting how much you assumed of my intentions based on me asking an honest question.
I asked because I had a conversation about this with someone I was saw as a dating potential. We both went to the same school, took the same classes, and make around the same salary-wise. She asked why I haven’t dated her yet and it was because she has expectations of a relationship that didn’t align with mine.
Its up to you and your partner to find a arrangement that works for both of you and makes you both happy. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
Expenses equal by amount of contributions
Expenses equal by % of income contributions
Expenses equal by time required to make the money
or any other division of labor and income
When my wife and I got together, she made double what I did. It didn’t necessarily make me feel guilty or bad, but I definitely felt the need to contribute. So, I took over food. I meal plan, do groceries, cook and clean up for essentially 100% of meals. On a rare occasion she’ll want a meal on the weekends that I don’t care for and she will buy and cook the meal. I also do 100% of the maintenance outside the house.
In general, she takes care of the big bills and I get the little ones, plus all the manual labor.
