I understand where you’re coming from (although I can’t say I had the same things to deal with, anywho, I sympathize). Sometimes it feels like we’re being lived rather than that we’re living our own lives.

Things that make me feel alive are activities that pull me out of the ‘grind’ and make me focus on the here and now. It could be reading a book under a tree, longboarding too when I still did that, going for a nice walk in the forest or on the beach, petting one of the local cats, a picnic with a friend, ice skating, exploring a new city on my own, etc. Basically anything outside or somewhat physically active. Sometimes yoga or playing guitar can do the same thing for me. The most important part is that I can get lost in the activity and can allow myself to get distracted when I see a nice mushroom/leaf/bee/cat/whatever. It’s all about slowing down.

I suppose it’s different for everyone, but an example of a day where I felt truly happy and free went like this: I went for a drive just because and came across a forest I’d never been to before. I was in no rush, so I parked my car, got out and went on a lovely walk there. I even ended up seeing a couple of deer. Then I got myself something to eat and went to see a movie (Nope) on my own. The only company I had was a stuffed animal I brought along because I like cuddling up with blankets and plushies while watching films and I figured it’d be dark in the cinema anyway. I did nothing of note and spent the entire day alone, and yet, happy as I could be.

Part of it might be about not giving a fuck about what others think. I’ve been on a vacation alone, been to restaurants alone, been to the movies alone, and to a concert alone. Not because I had to go alone, but because I could. Some people might’ve looked at me weird, but I enjoyed myself tremendously all the same. In the case of the vacation I even got treated like a local rather than a tourist, which gave me an entirely different perspective during the trip.

Anyway, I’m rambling, but I’m glad to hear you found another career you enjoy and that you’re trying new things. Keep it up :)

Cycling, outdoors. The longer I am holding the handlebars, pushing the pedals, the quieter my mind gets. It’s not long into each ride before I completely lose track of time. All the while enjoying natural scenery, reaching high summits of uninhabited areas near my town, exploring the area in a manner that all the natural beauty I can perceive gets strongly imprinted into my memory -my heart is pounding. I really love cycling.

writing!

I do collaborative writing with my partner (who has been the light in a lot of darkness for me) but also just…working on characters, developing new worlds, putting together music playlists for them and pinterest boards. It’s escapism at it’s finest but I’ve been told I’m good at it when I share my writing, it’s been my source of pride since I was a kid. when the words are flowing, I can easily get lost in them, like everything bad is gone for a while.

I’m glad you can still find peace in things, and I hope you can find more ways for that feeling to be enjoyed.

When I’m singing in a choir, surrounded by other people all singing with one voice. Especially in a large building with great acoustics. That’s what beauty is to me- even when I’ve been at my lowest I’ve always had choral singing keep me going.

Aside from big things like my partner and my family, being outside or in nature always gives me that type of relief. Going on walks or hikes, noticing all the little things, the birds, the bugs, the leaves, the grass, the trees, the dirt, the gravel, just sitting down and watching people go by, as small as it sounds it really helps me center myself and put things into perspective.