I have something like that as well. Skiing and swimming make me feel like that, in different ways.

I’m a lifelong skier, and raced for a couple of years in high school which really improved my general skiing skills, comfort, and confidence. When I’m skiing, I can get to the top of a mountain with an incredible view, I can better see just how vast that little section of the world is. I feel small but at the same time I feel like I can conquer anything, the only thing that can hold me back is a willingness to try.

I’m also a lifelong swimmer, and raced at an amateur level for a about a decade between middle school, high school, and college. It feels amazing to be comfortable and move well in an environment that’s almost totally not for humans. It feels like what I imagine being able to fly would, and unlocks a whole new world of otherwise unconventional movements and if you take it to a large pond/lake/ocean weird and amazing creatures as well. That can be amplified even more by doing things like snorkeling, even more curious creatures and structures, not needing to break the immersion to breath. It’s a world unlike anything else.

Edit: Sorry about the spam, this seemed to be failing while on Airplane WiFi, so I kept resubmitting not realizing each was actually submitted.

Yes! I do not have depression, I have ptsd, so ymmv, but I don’t have a great deal of hope in the world and my personal circumstances have, for a long time, been not so great. Bad shit is bad, people are mean, and some of it may not get better in time for me to enjoy it. But every time i think, wow, what the hell am i doing here, I think about the stuff I’m still enjoying or still want to find out or read or hear or get to do. Nothing big or profound, not capital-m Meaning or Greatness or Success or Love, just like - god, this song is a banger. I am really enjoying the crunch of this piece of toast or the moisture in the air today. I really enjoyed that meme, humans are so funny. I love music and poetry and nature and words a lot, and I really like food and spending time inside other people’s ideas/built little worlds. If I am really engaging as much as I can with the really small things - trees, the noises birds make, music, well written paragraphs - then I’m invested in numerous small things that can’t very easily taken away from me, instead of bigger stuff like a particular relationship or a certain life plan or physical health or a certain philosophy. And, it makes it harder for my mind to convince me that I’m not still enjoying my time here, or that I’m not doing anything worth it with my existence, as i really do believe we’re here to get to enjoy and feel stuff that we could not enjoy and feel if we did not exist in the forms we do. Doing things I enjoy as much or as often as possible, and scheduling them in with as much importance as the ”serious” stuff, does a lot to keep me engaged with the parts of being alive that I really like. And when I’m engaged in that way, I’m a bit less engaged with the things that hurt or make me feel hopeless or devalued. There’s a chance what I’ve written here won’t work for you, so i just want to add that I don’t think you should feel bad if it doesn’t. Brains being all different and such. (Feeling bad when things don’t work for me has been a big part of my own experience, so I felt it necessary to add that disclaimer.)

Get into riding daily and get a road bike. It will change your life. Daily endurance exercise will force your hormones and circadian rhythm into a stable state.

I understand where you’re coming from (although I can’t say I had the same things to deal with, anywho, I sympathize). Sometimes it feels like we’re being lived rather than that we’re living our own lives.

Things that make me feel alive are activities that pull me out of the ‘grind’ and make me focus on the here and now. It could be reading a book under a tree, longboarding too when I still did that, going for a nice walk in the forest or on the beach, petting one of the local cats, a picnic with a friend, ice skating, exploring a new city on my own, etc. Basically anything outside or somewhat physically active. Sometimes yoga or playing guitar can do the same thing for me. The most important part is that I can get lost in the activity and can allow myself to get distracted when I see a nice mushroom/leaf/bee/cat/whatever. It’s all about slowing down.

I suppose it’s different for everyone, but an example of a day where I felt truly happy and free went like this: I went for a drive just because and came across a forest I’d never been to before. I was in no rush, so I parked my car, got out and went on a lovely walk there. I even ended up seeing a couple of deer. Then I got myself something to eat and went to see a movie (Nope) on my own. The only company I had was a stuffed animal I brought along because I like cuddling up with blankets and plushies while watching films and I figured it’d be dark in the cinema anyway. I did nothing of note and spent the entire day alone, and yet, happy as I could be.

Part of it might be about not giving a fuck about what others think. I’ve been on a vacation alone, been to restaurants alone, been to the movies alone, and to a concert alone. Not because I had to go alone, but because I could. Some people might’ve looked at me weird, but I enjoyed myself tremendously all the same. In the case of the vacation I even got treated like a local rather than a tourist, which gave me an entirely different perspective during the trip.

Anyway, I’m rambling, but I’m glad to hear you found another career you enjoy and that you’re trying new things. Keep it up :)

Aside from big things like my partner and my family, being outside or in nature always gives me that type of relief. Going on walks or hikes, noticing all the little things, the birds, the bugs, the leaves, the grass, the trees, the dirt, the gravel, just sitting down and watching people go by, as small as it sounds it really helps me center myself and put things into perspective.