This is actually so true. This is the realest thing. Before my physical transition, pronoun circles were so harmful to me thanks to experiencing the scenario in the OP, and now at this point, I don’t care about them at all. But they have never been helpful to me.
I agree that other people will surely find it helpful if they wish to share their own pronouns; and they are also useful for creating an atmosphere of acceptance to make me feel more comfortable; but they do more harm than good when a person is forced to answer like in the situation in the OP. It hurts.
Cis people, here is how to do it: Feel free to present your own pronouns to convey an atmosphere of acceptance and reassurance, either verbally or in a signature/username/bio, but do not ask other people for their pronouns unless you actually really need to know. You only need to know if you are talking about the person to a third party.
It is also extremely performative and annoying when cis people only do the pronoun circle when there is a visibly trans person in the room. It’s infantilising. Either you always offer your pronouns because you want to, or you never offer your pronouns because you don’t want to.
Disclaimer: This is the humble onion of just one trans person and I don’t respresent everybody.
damn this reminds me of that one time in college when i was boymoding and they were doing a round about on pronouns and fuckin EVERYONE in the class turned around to look what i said. they didnt do that to anyone else 💀
me when every job asks me to self identify my gender
ya that’s what i answer each time. Still, I know they say it’s not supposed to affect your chances of getting hired, but…
The first days of uni this year were the best for me because everyone referred to me using female pronouns, like one professor took 3 weeks to stop calling me “madmoizelle” and even a guy who I went to kindergarten with took a full minute to recognize me, and one time some girl apologized to me like this “hey dude… oh sorry you’re a girl nvm” (it was in arabic), it was nice but after a while of me getting into depression and not being able to take care of my looks I no longer get called anything.
did you grow up in algeria? id love to pick your brain on trans experiences there, havent been able to talk to any trans people about algeria or north africa in general (if this is too forward lmk)
I have issues in speech, I’d rather you ask very specific questions and I’d answer
I had to do this at a fucking PARTY once. This person who decided she was event coordinator for drinking in someone’s apartment had us all sit in a circle and give our pronouns, a fact about ourself and our celebrity crush. Deeply painful moment, mostly cause it was cringe af for me. Ice breakers do the opposite.
