35 points

Because the lord loves you … but if you don’t, the LORD WILL DESTROY YOU AND SEND YOU TO HELL AND DAMNATION FOR EVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!

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15 points

He loves you, and he needs money!

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3 points

Lots of money, but don’t ask where it’s going

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10 points

I know that if I have kids, they had better love me or I’m torturing them for all eternity. That’s how loving people works, right?

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4 points

That’s funny. I always thought it was about trying your best to do things right, allow space for others errors and mistakes, admit when wrong and apologize for it.

But I may be wrong.

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1 point

No, that can’t be right, because god is good, so everything he does is good. I know because an old book says so.

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20 points

Imagine your legacy being an image macro of the worst photo ever shot of you 🤣

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3 points

If I could be so lucky. My grandchildren would be proud.

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8 points

He looks like Jack Nicholson in the courtroom scene of A Few Good Men. Can’t wait for the religious reboot of the film.

Jack: “You can’t handle God’s truth!”

Tom: “Well actually a human is an immortal, spiritual being that is resident in a physical body…”

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3 points

Mm, pass.

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2 points

Calm down Gob, you skinless freak.

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