You can can create your world and be happy with(in) it.
I prepared for a series of possible life scenarios when younger, most of which entailed celibacy and no sort of social life. And I was fine with it. Reproducing was not even a goal.
Events came to be and managed to find mate, territory, den and reproduced. Found familiars, discovered never before tapped resources, capabilities and interests.
Mate and I are bonded for life. All previous connections are lost, broken or hostile.
Go out to provide for the den daily, come back tired, dirty and smelly. Often bruised and scuffed. Mate tends wounds, provides comfort. Return care and nurture to mate. Tend to den and offspring. Tend to familiars.
Sometimes, get to sit alone and look over the den and territory.
Feel tired. Feel happy.
The harsh truth is that you will likely not have friends if you are boring.
I thinks itās more apt to say itās hard to have friends if you donāt put yourself in a position to make any. Not doing group activities to meet people or talking to people means just that - you donāt have anyone to talk to. I donāt think anyone is āboringā everyone has interests and quirks just not everyone is good at interacting and mingling with other people.
People grow up at different speeds, both in experience and emotionally. Some people are perfectly fine parents in their 20s, others never grow to be responsible parents.
My wifes parents had her in their late 30s and fucked things up completely. my parents started with my siblings when they were 24/30 which was late at the time, but quite early by today standards. They did well overall, of course making some mistakes. (who doesnāt?)
Good luck man!
Iām 43 just had my first 135 days ago.
Glad I have him. Glad I waited.
Itās a fun ride and I hope you guys get to take it.
Thanks man! Our little guy is sleeping 8-9 hours a night alreadyā¦ granted thatās 7-4am but still Iāll take it. Once he started doing thatā¦ Life got easier to manage.
I canāt wait till heās mobile and we can experience him experienceing life.
Congrats on your kiddo as well!!!
Yeah Iām amazed at the folks who casually have kids, as if it were the only option when they got preggo.
45yo man, same thing with the friends - solid group, but I do almost all the outreach. part of that is them having younger kids in some cases. otherwise, well, sometimes if you want friends you have to carry that shit yourself.
the thing that gets me is: itās one thing to struggle to make friendships work, but really it was when I was a kid, soā¦ meh. some things donāt change I guess.
Iāve noticed friends chose their faith themselves. Iāve lost four really good friends, that Iāve known for 15+ years, by them just not talking to me anymore. Thatās it, no angry shout-out, no āoh you changed a lotā, no complain about me trying to contact them or any remarks on why they might not want to hang out with me. They just never go online anymore and donāt reacting to the phone to trying to hang out. I know they arenāt dead, as other people I still know are in contact with them.
My conclusion is, that a lot of people donāt know anymore what friendship is and that they destroy this themselves until they are old but have no one left to hang out with but shallow TikTok level of friendships.
Some people vanish because they struggle with life. Maybe thatās not relateable for everyone, but sometimes people do not have the energy to maintain friendships. There is nothing that you can do on your end but there also is nothing they can do on their end.
From addictions to mental crisis, autoimmune disease or chronic pain there is so much that can suck a person dry. Also all kinds of family and relationship issues.
Sometimes the difference between the friends these people still have contact with and those who they donāt have contact with comes down to marginal differences like living close by and crossing ways regularly.
This is me. I barely have the energy to get through each day. Maintaining friendships feels like an impossible mountain to climb. Being an introvert plays a large part in this as I feel more tired after hanging out with friends. In truth, friendship has almost always felt like a burden more than a benefit to me. I kept them because I had to, or I was supposed to. I donāt feel like Iām missing much now.
I am that friend that vanished that you are describing.
In my case, I tried talking to the friend that bothered me ( an unmedicated ADHD alcoholic mess of a friend) he told me to fuck off.
I even stopped hanging out with my old group of friends that involved this guy that I described because it became this: male anger space to vent off, suicide jokes, complain about work, glorify alcohol, try out different types of drugs. No, thank you, I donāt want to do a live action of Rick n Morty.
There is no talking with a group where everyone decided to stay together on a shitty decision. I tried once and they got really angry and made me the wrong one for going to the gym, waking up early, quitting alcohol, etc.
I still keep in touch from afar and now, almost 10 years later, some of them are saying " yeah, the doctor told me to drop the alcohol", " yeah now I found the right meds for me and I aint as angry"
Everybody goes at their own pace, but expecting other friends to stay with you during this journey is ludicrous.
I went my way and although it hurt, sometimes its the best thing you can do for your mental health and integrity
Oh sure. Iām totally with you on this. Difference is Iām no alcoholic nor do things that have a bad influence on people, nor were my friends addicts.
If anything, Iām a better person than 10 years ago because Iām less depressed, more happy, Way easier to talk to, do sports, friendlier, donāt talk about politics much anymore, donāt put myself on a pedestal, and way less aggressive. So that people stop wanting to be my friends hurts a lot, because everything I do and the person I am, is a much much better person and I worked so hard on that.
I donāt and canāt believe people liked my asshole self more than me now. And these people that stopped talking to me are also good people. Itās absurd.
I donāt know you or your friends, but I do know that everybody goes through their own shit. You shouldnāt look at it as a reflection on you. Maybe at some point you can reach out to some of them or theyāll surprise you and do the same. Iām of the opinion that true friends i.e., the ones whoāve stuck through it with you no matter what in the past, where those bonds were formed early, are pretty permanently going to be there in the future when you call on them or need them. Give it some time and donāt be hard on yourself. As someone who probably has ADHD, that and other mental illnesses drain peopleās ability to maintain relationships down, unless theyāre in close proximity or a spouse, and even then it is hardā¦ Iām supposed to get up and call the bank to sort a problem for my wife and I and I just wanna lay in bed and dick off because Iām tired. Life is tiring manā¦
I feel you.
On your 3rd paragraph, I also have no idea why this happens, but we are not the only ones. Maybe people get the idea we became too self-centered?
I cannot comment on you because I donāt know you, but in my case, if I were to be self-critic, I always focus too much on my career, wife, hobbies, household chores, familyā¦ friends were always the last priority on my schedule. People pick up on that quickly, idk.
I do have some friends though who are low maintenance and with these I find its much easier to keep friends with. We can go 6 months without seeing each other and its still fun to get together.
i really donāt identify with this. i got married about 24, have two kids, and still have my friends. also decent internet is pretty much a requirement for any place we live.
living out in bumfuck is something iāll do when iām old.