Are people actually getting their undies in a bunch over a 3 year age gap? I find that hard to believe.
There are a lot of crazies out there. Some twitch or YouTube streamer I forgot the name of was accused of pedophilia for dating a minor a few years ago. His girlfriend was 17. He was 18 at the time.
IIRC a few years ago they tried to charge an 18 year old with possession of CP for having nudes of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Apparently her parents found out about their relationship and didn’t approve. Which seems like something that could have been handled with a sit-down talk rather than arresting him and potentially putting him on a list for life, but what do I know.
Yeah, most states have clauses in their laws for small age differences in relationships when one partner is below the age of consent, but the photographs make it more tricky because that’ll be sexual photographs of a minor forever.
Risky reporting it to the police though, since there have actually been cases of charging the underage girl with distribution, which is weird.
Callmecarson. He was dating her before he turned 18 and there was only a couple months gap iirc.
3 year age gap is nothing. I don’t understand people’s need to be disgusted by or police consenting adults.
There’s 15 years between me and my partner. Both 30+ so both very much consenting adults. But Christ, you still get people chirping with the ‘power differential’ bullshit. Like seriously, you’d think I was 13 the way people go at the age gap. Then again, that was when I actually used Reddit so.
People are always gonna be outraged by something stupid.
People who spend too much time on the internet, are often young, don’t have that much experience of the real world, but do have a disproportionate voice online. That’s why you’ll read plenty of dumb shit on the internet when it comes to relationships.
Luckily most of them outgrow this nonsense by actually living life. They join the work force, they make friends, they fuck, they fall in love. Unfortunately rather than living life and growing, some people become terminally online. They spend all day on the internet talking about life rather than living it. Afraid of getting hurt, or because they were hurt and decided never again, they are destined to wake up one day and realise they’ve wasted what could have been the best years of the life.
It’s sad, but it is what it is.
I dated a work colleague and people wouldn’t shut up about that either. I honestly think they spent more time thinking about it than we did. It wasn’t like she was my boss or anything so I wasn’t quite sure why it made any difference.
They kept saying it would be awkward if we break up, but then there were people in the company I already hated and I didn’t need to sleep with them to come to that conclusion.
Uh, if you were 13 and your partner 28, yep, that would be a “problem.”
I put it in quotes because I guess it depends on the region’s age of consent.
But my point is that an age gap can be significant depending on how old both parties are at the time.
Having said that, there was an 11 year old gap between me and my partner, but she was already in her mid-30s, so, no biggie.
That’s why I specified ‘between consenting adults’, because yes, 13 and 28 is definitely a problem.
Man wait until they hear about mine if true. My wife 7 years younger then me.
That anyone would have an issue with a 23yo going out with a 20yo is so bonkers to me. And you? 2 consenting adults don’t need to justify their relationship or intimacy to anyone.
Nope my bother wife 9 years younger then him. And my dad was once married to a woman 20 years older then him.
The time is not the issue. It’s more that the two people are in different phases of life and maturity. Though 20 junior in university and 23 right out of college isn’t really much of a difference. 20yo vs a 17yo junior in HS would be a much bigger difference
A 23-year-old just out of college acts exactly the same way as a 20-year-old in college. There’s literally no difference.
I get the difference in experience and where you are in life is a factor, but the issue is people presume the existence of that factor outweighs all others, and that it can only result in a negative.
Can you give me an example of actual harm being done to the younger person in a gap between high school and college? Harm that applies near universally, to every young person, if they ever enter a relationship with someone that is only a single major life experience ahead of them?
Harm can be done, obviously, but it’s about the circumstances of that specific relationship. There’s no reason to presume it as a rule in a case like this.
It also makes an unfair presumption on both parties: that the older person is irresponsible and manipulative, and the younger person is immature and vulnerable.
It really is kind of odd how much we talk about this topic without appreciating that at a certain point we are almost infantilizing young adults. We agree they’re old enough to vote, own a gun, smoke, and drink, but we can’t give them the the courtesy of respecting their decisions on who they want to sleep with? They’re not actual children.
Uh huh. I’m not going to search for abuse cases. But you can tell it’s very much frowned upon in society just by looking at popular media.
For a recent example: the new Scott Pilgrim show. He’s universally looked down upon for dating a 17yo.
It really is kind of odd how much we talk about this topic without appreciating that at a certain point we are almost infantilizing young adults.
HS students are children.
Half your age plus seven is the “general rule” I’ve always heard, but there are always exceptions. Even with that 23 and 20 is fine.
I’ve known some people who had a ‘+5 on weekends’ amendment to that rule.
That’s more of a preference. The “your age divided by 2 plus 7” rule is more about social acceptability of the relationship. But hook-ups are just sex, and generally not subjected to scrutiny, and that doesn’t have to be acceptable to anyone but you and your partner.
Most people generally like to keep their partners in their age range, but it’s very flexible depending on the prospective partner. And there are quite a few young people out there that do genuinely like more mature sexual partners even if they’d never actually date them.
When I met my wife I was 27… she was 19. And I got some good-natured (I think) hassle about dating a teenager.
I also don’t use Twitter, Instagram or TikTok because they’re terrible.
I also don’t quite understand why a 20-year-old dating a 23-year-old is contentious. There’s no age gap at all. Who exactly is having a problem with this?
He sounds like a perfectly normal person who just doesn’t read the news.
He said “you already know that bothers a subsection of the population”.
Not that anyone actually did, that was in his imagination.
Oh it bothers a certain kind of chronically online person. Tbf it’s a very small number of people, but they do exist, and are quite loud
Ok…but that’s not the scenario in question.
I mean, fuck, imagine if he beats her and killed her dog. We can “imagine” things all day.
It’s not but one is an adult and shouldn’t be in a relationship with the kid
In my native country that’s perfectly fine as well, if the age gap is less than 5 years and one is less than 18 they are literally both kids, whether one of them has passed an imaginary line or not. This is just being pedantic. You will reply “uhhh so an 18 years old should be able to date a 13 years old?” completely ignoring that a 17 yo can anyway date a 12 yo without any problem. What are we even talking about? At that age parents should supervise them anyway
I am 24, autistic, straight edge, and a data analyst. I’m the youngest person in my company, the closest person to me in age is 45. I haven’t used a regular social media site since I was 14. My only interaction with modern discourse is my girlfriend’s 18 year old sister. When she talks she might as well be speaking another language. My hobbies are unix, classic literature, VHS collecting, and synthesizers. My girlfriend calls me her 80 year old boyfriend.
I think anonymous social media, while still social media, occupies a very different category from non-anonymous (identified?) social media. And the default interpretation of “social media” is the latter.
My current project is called Obfuscation. It’s atmospheric synth music inspired by aliens.
https://obfuscation.bandcamp.com/
My previous project was Das Kommando. It was a harsh black noise project about violent suicide.
Am I out of the loop? I didn’t think being a straight edge was something to be proud of. I feel like it includes a good amount of intolerance and judgement. It’s this not the case?
Edit: man, I was expressing my impression from what I’ve read on the Internet and asking for more information. I wasn’t expecting to get down voted for trying to understand better
I don’t know if people are proud of it. Most people that I have known that are straight edge just don’t want to do drugs or alcohol. I haven’t known them to be judgemental of others who do, to each their own.
According to a punk guy I used to work with the straight edge movement originally had a nonjudgmental camp and an extremely judgemental camp. Can’t too much speak to that claim myself as I’ve never been on the punk scene but he was in general a trustworthy dude which leads me to believe there’s at least something to it even if it’s not quite right. But again I’m not in the punk scene so maybe I’m regurgitating bullshit
I just don’t care to put substances in my body that are effectively toxic. If you think, being high at all times is the best way to live life, then more power to you.
Really, it’s annoying that people think we’re judgemental. I’m guessing, lots of folks judge themselves for it, but as long as everyone else does the drugs, they aren’t confronted with that.
As soon as I dare to exist, not putting toxic substances into my body, they’ll feel judged, because I’m adhering to their moral standard of not doing drugs, effectively reminding them that it would be doable.
If I come up with some bullshit reasoning, like I’m the designated driver, rather than the truth that I just don’t want it, they’ll feel more at ease. Although, I guess, that would also be the case, if they truly thought I was actively judging them.
I have friends that don’t drink and don’t do drugs. Neither of my adult children do (18 and 20). I think it’s great. I don’t fathom why question was down voted. I think it’s awesome that you you don’t succumb to the pressures of society an live your life in a way that makes you happy. Keep kicking ass ❤️
Yeah, I’m proud that I have self control and have maintained a lifestyle that many people fail at. I’m proud to be associated with a community of people that live the same way. It’s better than being proud of how much booze you can down or how high you can get.
I guess it was people like you that gave me the impression I got from reading posts on the Internet
How is a 3 year gap a problem if she’s 20, wtf.
He said “you already know that bothers a subsection of the population”, not that it actually did, it just did in his imagination.
I’ve literally never even once heard someone raise a fuss about an age gap that small. Dude sounds like an ass.
I see this come up on social media, moreso with Gen Z and people that just like to be outraged about stuff online. They seem to be more sensitive to age gaps and call it grooming, even stuff within the typical “half your age plus seven” rule that most millenials and older gens seemed to find normal. I’m not sure that only 3 years would be a problem even for them though.
I had a friend who irritated this part of the internet with fanfiction and got death threats because of it! It’s really stupid lol they’re called “antis” because they’re anti everything.
They’re so insane that they have called characters who knew other characters (all fictional characters, treated as seriously as though this was real life, mind you) when they were underage but ended up dating when both characters were canonically both above 18, they call the older character in that scenario a groomer. With their full chest. When no grooming activity has taken place. It’s very black and white. Also very “you should have known you would have offended me with that idea”-y which is very not good for creative work areas.
This is the side of the internet that infantilizes full grown adults, thus making a 20 to 23 year old age gap “problematic” (in heavy sarcasm quotes because I pretty vehemently believe there is nothing wrong with 2 consenting adults being in a relationship together. Problematic is a useful word still, but this just is not what problematic looks like)
its Tumblr.
the word you’re looking for is Tumblr.
Tumblr was historically split down the middle between fetish porn, and people who just had to take offense at everything to feel special about themselves.
Now those special folk are all thats left, now that Yahoo removed the porn.
They’d have had a field day with a situation that played out when I was in my 20s.
One girl I went to high school with, who was a few years older than me, had a big crush on the new young science teacher that started at our school in her junior or senior year. She took his classes and was friendly and close with him, but as far as I know, nothing inappropriate happened, and he was absolutely, positively, strictly professional the entire time.
Then she graduated and went off to college and they stayed in touch. Again friendly. Maybe less “strictly professional”, but certainly not romantic, even though anyone who knew her knew she had had this crush on him for years at that point.
After college, or even later in her college years, they start hanging out…as friends, maybe as casual dates, idk. Then after she finished college they quickly started dating, became a serious couple, and eventually got married and started a family.
Was it weird? Sure. But was any aspect of it inappropriate? Ehhhhh…idunno. I don’t think anyone ever “crossed the line” at any point, but comments were definitely made, eyebrows were raised, and rumors ran wild.
But in the end I think they kept it kosher enough, and by the time they got married, I feel like most people had gotten to the point that their reaction was more or less, “Yeah I guess it’s kinda weird, but whatever. It’s none of my business and if they’re both happy, good for them.”
But the kind of people you’re talking about would’ve had a meltdown.
It’s not the math in question, it’s that 3 seems to be a small gap when the younger party is 20
Maybe it’s because I’m a foreigner; maybe I’m also too disconnected, but I didn’t get half of the supposed contentious items listed in this post.
Reading the comments, I was like, ‘oh, that’s what they meant by…’. The body count really surprised me, and in a negative way. Body count sounds so… tasteless. But who cares. Since I don’t use that expression, I’ll probably forget it soon (the good side of having a lousy memory).
Body count sounds so… tasteless.
It is. Definitely not something I’d include under “modern discourse”. I’d say a co-worker asking that and using that particular term is the one that’s disconnected from the present.
They’re drunk playing truth or dare, really doesn’t seem that disconnected from the present to me to ask for their body count in that context.