129 points

At press time, Wheeler announced he would instead be attending PragerU.

That last line brought the whole thing together.

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18 points

Agreed, was meh until then but the punchline was worth it.

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16 points

idk, “even though my father raped someone at the same college” definitely made contact

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86 points

Like Brock Turner, convicted rapist?

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60 points

Exactly like Brock Turner, rapist who got convicted to 3 months of wrist slapping.

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54 points

Rapist Allen Turner, aka rapist Brock Turner, who got a 6-month slap-on-the-wrist sentence for what his father called (and I quote) “twenty minutes of action”? That rapist Allen Turner (aka rapist Brock Turner)? The one who only served 3 months?!

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39 points

Are we talking about convicted rapist Brock “Allen” Turner? The guy who was convicted for raping somebody and only got a 3 month sentence? That Brock “Allen” Turner?

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1 point
*

meta name=“robots” content=“index,follow,archive”

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16 points

The one who lives in Dayton Ohio and goes by Allen these days?

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5 points

To be fair, that’s 3 whole months of punishment for “just a few minutes of action”

THAT IS ACTUALLY WHAT HIS FATHER SAID TO ATTEMPT TO APPEAL THE DECISION, I’M NOT FUCKING JOKING!

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42 points

Brock Allen Turner, convicted rapist who is now going by Allan Turner to hide the fact that he’s a convicted rapist.

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64 points

Imagine being the stock photo for this article.

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20 points

Hopefully it’s an AI photo.

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30 points

I just need to express how perfect that title is. The way it changes meaning with almost every additional word is really impressive.

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4 points

The Onion has been doing perfect titles for decades. It’s become harder for them in recent years, with reality coming to meet The Onion.

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22 points

Shouldve had a rich parents. /s

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