I’m 41F. I was married but separated 8 years ago. I was still young but was very traumatized and never really wanted another relationship. Lately I’ve been feeling a little lonely and would like to meet some new people but I moved and don’t have many friends here and the ones I have are younger and do younger people things (like going out at night. I’m too old for that lol). I wanted to meet some people my age, friends or dates, but almost everyone is married. I do cooking and French classes but again, only young people do that and I’m the “odd old lady”. I think people past 40 don’t really have hobbies or money to spend on them. I’m overweight so I can’t really use apps, and to be honest don’t really want. So how a single woman without kids (can’t have it) meet people?! Or do I just give up?! lol
What about volunteering groups? I’m in my 20s but volunteering groups tend to have people on the older side. It helps that people in their 40s and over tend to be financially stable and would spend their free time to volunteer.
Organize a local Lemmy meetup for 40+ year olds! Lol
I am in my mid 40s myself. I think the default advice is to just find social hobby groups and meet people that way. The more you put yourself out there, the more chance you have to make a connection. Also, I don’t think it’s a problem to be the “odd old lady” - wear that badge with pride IMO.
I would love but I’m not in america and people here don’t really know about it :/ … yet lol
I work for a college for people who want to change careers into IT. We’re not very big, but we have a nice community. We have plenty if 40+ students, but also plenty in their early 20’s. We have this one lady who is “the odd old lady” and she’s just awesome. She’s honestly one of the greatest persons in school.
Volunteer work is my go-to answer in these situations.
I’m around 40, am always very busy with work, and I can’t hold complex conversations in the language that 95% of the population of my country speaks exclusively. My personal interests are extremely technical, and unusual (bordering on arcane). So meeting new friends is a bit of a challenge for me too.
It was still a very effective way to meet awesome people of all ages, some younger, some older! I even met my wife that way.
I’m in a similar situation, and met my girlfriend of three years that way. We love each other, but communication was sometimes an issue… and I often felt deeply lonely far away from my family and far from anyone who could understand me well.
We broke up last week. I’m going back to my home country. My heart feels like it will never recover. We planned a whole future together. I love her so deeply, but I also felt incredibly lonely in the relationship, and jealous even of other couples who could just talk easily to one another.
I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing. Maybe she didn’t need to get all my jokes. Maybe she didn’t need to know all my cultural references. Maybe having each other and making new memories together was enough.
I’m broken.
That hits close to home – I had it a bit easier though. They had emptied my bank account without my knowledge or permission and left me for dead in the developing world, while they ran off to a new country and job they had secretly set up. Robbed their family too.
So at least all the bridges were thoroughly burned and I could focus on rebuilding. That kind of focus is a very powerful tool and I was able to bootstrap myself into a middle class life within a reasonable time. I came to realize how much that relationship had been holding me back.
Nearly died of cholera though. Anyway, the things we don’t have the power to change legitimately hurt real bad, but I hope you will one day surprise yourself with how much you can affect the things you do have the power to change.
You’re overweight? Make the gym your hobby. I’m a 48 year old woman and I go to the gym every day and lots of people to interact with.
It doesn’t even need to be a hobby in the sense that you’re always there. Going a few times a week gets you exposed to people and you’re getting more fit and healthier. And there’s usually at least self confidence that comes along to help with finding other hobbies if you want.
like going out at night. I’m too old for that lol
WTF.
I’m 49, you are absolutely not too old to be going out. You’re also not to old to be in the middle of the mosh pit.
lol! I meant I don’t have the patience for young drunk people anymore. I only know a couple of 28yo here and went out with them one night… guess who was puked on? lol
I was done with partying when I was in my twenties, honestly. It doesn’t give me anything. I can’t hear people talking, we always lose each other in the crowd, it’s stuffy, people are obnoxious when drunk, etc etc etc, blech.
I much prefer a social thing at someone’s house with at most like 5-8 people, maximum. Preferably max 4. Then everyone can be heard, get a chance to speak, not too loud, bathroom close at hand, cheaper drinks that don’t empty your pockets, access to more fun things not available in a club/restaurant like video/board games, movies, etc etc etc.
access to more fun things not available in a club/restaurant like video/board games, movies, etc etc etc.
Beercades exist, I’ve been in a bar/brewery that had a collection of board games to borrow, etc. Also, karaoke at hole-in-the-wall Japanese and Korean places is super fun.
Drink more, be the puker.
Also, in re: being overweight and not being able to use apps… I’d strongly suggest you work on changing that now. The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be, and being overweight makes being old really hard. Hard as in, knee, hip, and back damage. Trust me when I say that getting into a solid diet and workout plan is not fun, but being fit and losing weight is much easier than dealing with the long term consequences.
I took a long break during the pandemic because my gym refused any safety measures (shockingly, a lot of people died from covid-19 in my town /s), and getting back to the kind of levels of fitness I had in 2018 is hard and painful.
