I’ve been on HRT for 3 years, and I really have lost all hope that I will ever look like a girl or be gendered correctly or even just be treated with dignity. I’m really ugly and honestly I can tell, people lie and say well it’s your personality that matters. It’s really not that hard to see, and I am wondering if there is a point to spending 120 dollars a month, just for peace of mind.
Cis here. Your piece of mind is the one you create. If you want to continue then please do. If you feel like you are wasting money then stop. The choice is yours, always has been, always will be. Do what is best for you. It doesn’t change anything about who you think you are : that’s all that matters.
I have social dysphoria and not body dysphoria. I’m not on HRT so I don’t have any experience with that aspect of transitioning. Here is the closest thing I’ve got. I pay $80 a month to play D&D at my local game store. I play a female character and I enjoy it when people get my characters pronouns correct, use her name, and are socializing with me in a way where they see me as a woman. This gives me piece of mind and I think it’s worth the cost I’m paying. That’s not a perfect comparison, but considering the difference in having piece of mind is to me I think you’re not overpaying.
As far as body image issues, I’m not too fussed about my appearance. As far as I’m concerned I’m beautiful. On the other hand, I constantly fret about whether I’m smart enough or if I will accomplish anything in my life. And I have an ego problem. I think this might be similar concerns that we both have, but we’re focused on different aspects of ourselves. I still would love to have boobs and it would be super cool if people clocked me as woman. I think the knowledge that people would see me as a woman is more satisfying to me than what I would actually look like. It would be an improvement, but I’m already rocking this man meat sack bod of mine. But I consistently worry about not measuring up to people in terms of intellect and accomplishments. I feel inadequate when I see people out performing me or when I see evidence that someone is smarter than me. It gets in the way of being friends with people and forming relationships.
I focus on believing in myself and make it clear to myself I’m good enough for me. But it’s an anxiety. I kind of learn to ignore it and focus on trying to do what I want. I remind myself it is ok if other people accomplish more than me or are smarter than me. And that modern concepts of intelligence are bogus anyway. It’s an ongoing process for me. My point is these anxieties about ourselves are something we have to manage and that our self-love has to be unconditional.
As far as other people treating us with dignity, I think people are going to be trying to crack that one long after we’re dead. We can’t wait for other people to treat us properly to be happy. I’ve found the more I divorce my opinion of myself from other peoples’ opinions the happier I’ve been. Also, recently it has helped to realize that even when someone isn’t treating me right, everyone is coming from a place of being a human person first and foremost.
I hope some of that was relevant and helpful. Let me know either way.
120 dollars a month is very expensive for estrogen :/ Is that what it costs to get it legit in the US?
America is even worse than I thought if so! I pay a third of that for estrogen, finasteride, and progesterone! And that’s in the UK, which is its own special hellhole…
It depends on your insurance iirc.
My insurance has a deductible which means I need to spend $2.5k before they will fully pay for things like meds, or visits. This makes all medication notably expensive. My ADHD meds went from $8.00ish to $210 just because my plan switched. I put aside $2.5k for this purpose though. It fucking sucks and getting a better plan just simply costs 2-3x’s as much.
Yeah that seems normal especially if they don’t have good insurance. I used to work at a pharmacy and I have seen plenty of insanely high drug prices. One time I saw someone getting charged a little over $4,000 for one prescription. That wasn’t estrogen though, I think it was something for cancer if I remember correctly.
Definitely not typical for US. 6mg/day of tablets should be under $25/mo even without insurance. Spiro is about $20. GoodRX coupon or Costco membership is all you need.
Source: am in US, and have paid the Costco member price about 2x a year because insurance is very picky about timing of refills.
What dose are you on and what are your blood-levels if you have them? A lot of places want to underdose you, so that could explain unsatisfactory results. Also, it’s quite hard to tell from the picture (I’m kinda face-blind and your expression doesn’t make it easier to tell things), but are you sure it really is that bad or might you just have overly high standards? And I’ll add here that being pretty and passing are two different things as well!
Lastly, and I know that this is an uncomfortable topic: If you want to pass, shave above your upper lip and cover any remaining shadow up with make-up. That is the only thing that really sticks out to me as a telltale-sign in the picture.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but some girls are just ugly? This isn’t even me making a judgement call on your pic, because even though I don’t think you’re ugly, telling you as much isn’t going to change your mind.
One of the most important things I learned during transition is that I can’t transition into a super model. I am what I am though, and no one can take that from me.
Being on hormones isn’t about being pretty, it’s about whether they’re right for you. Societal beauty standards are never going to provide you that validation, even if you meet that standard for now. Because you will grow old, and you won’t fit into them anymore. Self-love is forever though.
