I just got ghosted by the girl I was talking to, I want to find another girl to talk to. This girl and I met at the gym, but I don’t want to be the guy that goes to the gym just to meet girls. I mean sure there’s the bar and Tinder, but I want a real relationship. I mean, I guess it’ll come to me.
I am currently researching if being alone 90% of the time has any impact on the prospects of finding a partner.
After 37,5 years of constant research I have found a quite negative link between being alone and finding a partner
The best advice I can give you is to stop actively looking and just have fun. Join mountain biking groups, hop on Meetup and do fun things in your city or state, and make friends naturally. The healthiest relationships stem from natural friendships because you build up a base of stuff in common and have a lot of trust before you ever make the jump to “do you wanna go out with me?”
All else fails, you can join singles adventure clubs which also look quite fun. The best relationships I’ve had with men and women were from natural friendships. The most awkward and short ones were generally from dating apps or where they just didn’t have much in common with me.
I met my SO through playing 1,000 hours of a video game with them during the pandemic, constantly being on VC with them, then going on a really fun ski trip with them for about a week. I got to learn their habits, temperament, how they handle conflict, etc all over a long period of time. And a lot of my other friends matched in similar ways.
For what it’s worth, I notice now when people are kinda hoping to like…date or something vs just be friends. Their body language and behaviors are just ever so slightly different than those that just want to be friends. I think when you aren’t looking, people notice that you are more relaxed and don’t put up walls as much. Might be one reason why it’s easier to make friends as a kid, who knows, though.
The healthiest relationships stem from natural friendships because you build up a base of stuff in common and have a lot of trust before you ever make the jump to “do you wanna go out with me?”
See, that’s where I fucked up. My dumbass texted her at 12AM and asked if she wanted to hang out the next day (She’s usually up around that time, we both goto the gym around 11PM, which is why I thought it was okay). But we had only talked around 4-5 times, each conversation we had was good, but when it comes to texting, I fail miserably there. I think I just got too excited to meet her, and was a bit too forward. I completely messed up. Well, now I know not to do that again at least, lesson learned :(
It’s okay, that’s life! You have plenty of time to explore and make new friends. I really wouldn’t sweat the small stuff. You can probably text her at a reasonable hour with a different invite, and she might respond. I wouldn’t put too fine a point on making a date out of it, though. Just be friends for a bit first, no strings attached.
Plus…it’s kinda good to have mixed gender friends anyways, even if you aren’t dating. Gives you fresh perspectives and better advice. :D
If you know you’ll be in a confusing area, there’s location sharing on cell phones. Most of em are good about giving you the opportunity to turn it off. What’s better for if they’re not always gonna have a working phone or might forget it is some kind of tags. No matter how you feel about em, airtags work best for this in the United States because they use apple stuff as a mesh network and there’s more Apple stuff than anything else.
Dating apps are useless for any man who isn’t stupidly handsome or parasitically wealthy. The bottom 90% of men on dating apps are routinely completely ignored. For every swipe an average woman makes that gets a response from a man, the average man has to swipe right somewhere between 500 and 1,000 times to get an equivalent response from a woman, depending on how he presents himself on that platform.
Your best bet is social events IRL, and networking through friends. Aim for connections and friendships over relationships, with at least ⅔ of all new connections being other male friends, as you cannot be seen as “thirsty” under any circumstances. If you come across as desperate, you will be either ignored or manipulated and taken advantage of as a “useful idiot” with nothing to show for it.
Another good tactic is to become intrinsically motivated. When you focus on yourself, cultivate your own personality to benefit only yourself, and adopt a stoic mindset, companionship of any kind shifts from a requirement to a value-added proposition. You need to be completely happy and satisfied with your own solitude and existence apart from others in order to be a good judge of how others are best suited for you.
And many men are abandoning relationships altogether because the juice is just no longer worth the squeeze. After all, why be with someone who hates you for the gender you are? Down that path lies pain and suffering, and it is better for your mental, physical, and financial health to go your own way.
Normal people win lotteries, too. Some even beat the house at the gambling casino.
You just can’t expect to build an effective financial portfolio doing so. Such things tend to be lightning strikes that affect a minuscule number of people.
You got stupendously lucky. That’s it. You’re the odd one out, with another 500,000 guys having zero such luck.
May I ask how old you are? And what do you mean by a real relationship?
It is harder for guys especially when young. Most of my girl kids found guys on Tinder/Hinge, the boys met their girlfriends and wives more organically, out in the world.
But as an older person, I think that it’s better not to have a relationship goal, certainly not at first. If you have friends who are girls, they have friends who are girls. Hang out and see where it goes without expectations or goals. Maybe you hit it off with one of them but in any event you talk with girls, and get more comfortable.
