We’ve come to the logical conclusion that the only way to get government funding is to commit war crimes ourselves.
…Said Biden. “I’m going to send an extra billion dollars over there to motivate more people to join these brave teachers. Go to Israel and see what the American government can really do. And let’s not forget they won’t have to pay for healthcare over there thanks to our taxpayer dollars.”
Also they’ll be able to call the local riot police whenever they need to remove any student from their classroom by claiming they’re being disruptive.
The title is the first punch but this line is the KO.
I can either get shot in a war overseas or I can get shot by some active shooter while I do a lesson about the Revolutionary War.
Also this:
“Listen Jack, the educators in the country are some of the most hard-working people I’ve ever met. They will make a great addition to the fight against terrorism. It’s because most of them have nothing to live for anyway because they can’t retire, they are in terrifying debt, and [the students] parents get to tell them what they can teach,” said Biden.
and this:
At press time, the teachers were holding a bake sale to raise funds for their airfare.
That’s it, I’m making the “The Onion headlines that go hard” community.
Is this the best onion headline title ever?
