100 points

I mean, that logic got Brock Allen Turner, the rapist who now goes by Allen Turner, off the hook. I guess it’s worth a shot.

permalink
report
reply
71 points

You mean Brock Turner the rapist who now goes by Allen Turner the rapist? That Brock Turner the rapist?

permalink
report
parent
reply
41 points

Well HE doesn’t go by Brock Turner the rapist. He certainly wishes we’d stop calling him Brock Turner the rapist. But we’ll never stop calling him Brock Turner the rapist, because Brock Turner the rapist is a rapist.

If we had to stop calling him something, we’d stop calling him Brock Turner before we stopped calling him the rapist.

Because Brock Turner the rapist deserves to be remembered as a rapist, and nothing more

permalink
report
parent
reply
22 points

Derek Chauvin would also like a word.

permalink
report
parent
reply
23 points

Yeah? Well George Floyd would like to breathe.

permalink
report
parent
reply
86 points

So going forward, I should keep my crimes under half an hour and it’s fine. Good to know.

permalink
report
reply
23 points

Keep it under 27 minutes just to be on the safe side

permalink
report
parent
reply
7 points

Is it total minutes or consecutive?

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

Either, just to be safe.

permalink
report
parent
reply
5 points

I wouldn’t go on a 30-minute crime spree yet, there might be a better deal soon.

Trump says he’s going to be a one-day dictator if elected. If he gets his way and does not get punished afterwards, we have a strong legal precedent that everyone gets their personal Purge once in their lifetime.

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

permalink
report
parent
reply
70 points

“I only murdered for a minute, tops!”

permalink
report
reply
37 points

“it would have been quicker too had the victim not resisted so much.”

permalink
report
parent
reply
14 points

Thats why the cops yell at you to stop resisting after they shoot you.

(This joke got dark)

permalink
report
parent
reply
7 points

Joke? I am pretty sure that is s.o.p.

permalink
report
parent
reply
7 points

“I only shot that guy for 0.6 seconds!”

permalink
report
parent
reply
38 points

Can you imagine that defence for other crimes

You’re honour my client should be released because he was only a bank robber for 2 minutes while in the bank. And as for being a conspirator he didn’t do much talking.

Your honour my client was only a “rapist” while attacking Miss Sonso and that only lasted 5 minutes. Prior to that he was merely a pedestrian as he followed her. An innocent citizen

permalink
report
reply
18 points

Unfortunately that defense did seem to work out fine for rapist Brock Allen Turner.

permalink
report
parent
reply
36 points

Light treason

permalink
report
reply
9 points

There’s a good chance

permalink
report
parent
reply
7 points

NO TOUCHING!

permalink
report
parent
reply

Not The Onion

!nottheonion@lemmy.world

Create post

Welcome

We’re not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

Community stats

  • 5.2K

    Monthly active users

  • 979

    Posts

  • 35K

    Comments

Community moderators