“Hahah, oh The Onion, you sure have run out of ideas, this article didn’t even have a punchline.”

It was then that Muse realized it was in fact, not The Onion.

I pictured his bowels flying out of his nose and mouth. Makes sense what happened to the poor guy.

The headline makes it sound way worse than what happened. Dude is fine, just reopened a surgical wound with some bulging.

I try to read all the articles I post but for this one I noped out after 1 sentence. Enjoy!

I gotchu.

Bro had prostate cancer at some point and the article says they removed his bladder. The “surgical wound” is likely a permanent ostomy, where the internal ureters (which no no longer have a bladder to drain into) are redirected right out of the abdominal wall (there’s usually a bag taped on to catch the urine). I forgot they usually just drain them into the intestines if you still have them, which is why they were involved in this. Anyway, my guy was doing well and they were pretty sure he was healed up, but age and possibly chemo both slow healing and doctors (like the rest of us) aren’t perfect. Because he was pretty sure he was healed up, he went to breakfast to celebrate, and happened to sneeze. Sneezing raises pressure in the abdomen, and busted his intestines right out of that almost healed wound. The article correctly refers to this as “wound dehiscence (opening) and evisceration (the bowels protruding).”

In nursing school, they actually teach you specifically what to do about this specific occurrence. First you sit the patient all the way up and honestly leaning forward over their legs a little. This takes pressure off the abdominal skin so it doesn’t tear any further than it has. Then you cover the wound in sterile gauze soaked in sterile saline. If you have an abdominal surgery that has dehiscence and evisceration as possible complications, you likely will not have access to sterile gauze or sterile saline on you at all times, especially not if you’ve gotten far enough into recovery to be going to brekkie, but any reputable surgeon will be happy to provide their own specific instructions as to how to manage the situation until the EMTs arrive, which I encourage you to follow.

Hate when that happens