For me, talking to new people. When I was in kindergarten, I’d just go up to a new kid, and be like"Hi! Wanna be my friend??? Great! We’re friends now!"
Today it’s more like “Who are you, and why are you in my vicinity???”
Real. Making a friend as kid was so much easier. We had formal systems and if a friendship didn’t work out, you had a system to break the friendship too, no hard feelings. None of this perpetually ambiguous nonsense we have to deal with as adults
Dude. I’m 40 years old, snd I work a job that has a rotating door. Which means they hire anybody, and fire people dho don’t “get it”.
So I work with a bunch of teenagers/early 20s kids.
One of them asks me, “Lost_My_Mind, why don’t you talk to us? Are we too much for you?”
Bitch please. I’ve worked hotel 3rd shifts in seedy motels, where I’ve LITERALLY…LITERALLY needed to csll EMS 3x in an 8 hour shift, because 3 different unrelated people OD’d on heroin on a single shift. You wanna get crazy? No, you don’t honey, because it would literally KILL you.
And what I wanted to say to her, was “I don’t talk to anyone, because I know all of this, this conversation, these set of people, everything you know in life, it’s all temporary. It’s all bullshit. All your friends will turn their back on you, violently if needed. But you haven’t reached your 30s yet. You haven’t seen people for their trueself. So buckle up, because life is about to take a fucking nose dive. All your dreams are dead.”
I WANTED to say that. Instead, to protect her innocence, I just said “I’m just quiet”.
She doesn’t know it, but I’m brunting the majority of the bullshit at our work, because I know she’s pregnant. I take the fall for mistakes she makes, because I don’t want to see that baby get born into a world where its mother doesn’t have a paycheck to feed them.
But as far as making conversation? I’m as useless as her 6 month old in belly unborn baby.
In retrospect, I feel as if I’ve gone off on a tangent. For that, I can only say that Aldis Natures Nectar lemonaide is an EXCELLENT mix with various vodkas.
Last night I had Strawberry Lemonaide mixed with Crystal Skull vodka (vodka in a glass skull from a company owned by dan akroid. I drank it in a souveneer ghostbusters cup I got from the threater when I saw the most recent Ghostbusters movie.
Tonight I’m trying Skyy raspberry infusions mixed with natures nectar standard lemonside.
Last nights drink 10/10 tasted like a jolly rancher.
Tonights drink 8/10. It just tastes like lemonaid, except I’m fucked up. Real smooth drink though.
I work in manufacturing and all the young kids wanna talk while we work. Which is fine, but I don’t engage much unless it’s about sports or cars or something. I’ve been asked why I’m standoffish. It’s like, look, you make it here for 2-3 months and maybe. But in all honesty you probably won’t.
Jerking off.
Fourth time this hour and I’m mostly just waving it around now.
Hearing. Hearing damage does not ever get better, it just accumulates.
Sleeping
It’s way easier when you’re tired
Going out in public. When you’re young you really don’t notice just how fucking stupid people are. It gets to the point you actively avoid being in groups of people due to the overwhelming amount of stupid. Shopping trips go from whenever you want to aiming for when the store opens or just before close so the hoards of fools are less likely to be around.
I fell in love with the city about a decade ago but now in my 30’s just walking the dog around the block pisses me off.
You really need to park in the middle of the street to drop someone off when there’s tons of available street parking at 2 PM on a Tuesday?
You’re mad at me because your dog barked at mine after you chased me down while I was actively trying to avoid you?
What’s up with that Honda that always sits in the middle of an obscure and dangerous intersection for like 10 minutes every day?
Some days I wish I lived in a cabin in the forest, damn.
