My side of the family is slowly trickling into the state for their annual vacations in Maine, for two weeks this year instead of the usual 7 days. It’s nice though, getting to see each group when they arrive instead of showing up to 20-something people all at once, all in one house. It will be that level of craziness come Sunday, when they’re planning to throw (yet another) baby shower for us. Much as I enjoy not spending money, three baby showers is too damn high. I’m hopeful that my brother found the copy of Go the F#$k to Sleep we gave them when my niece was born.

One of our ducks, Pearl, hatched out a dozen little babies under my potting bench. While she’s exceptional at hatching them, she is a less than stellar mother and I have been responding to alarm peeps regularly while she sits around with the ones who manage to keep up with her.

CW: some discussion of transphobia

Tomorrow I get to have a call with a side of the family I haven’t talked to in almost 2 years. Since coming out publicly, my family has been surprisingly good. There are slip ups and ideas that are meh but overall it’s gone better than I thought. With the exception of one part of my family.

My dad’s birth father and his family. Tbf while I know my grandpa’s feelings. I am not sure about the rest. I believe my more liberal aunt who I’ll be talking with tomorrow is fine with me, but I worry about my grandpa.

My grandpa has always been one of the most supportive and loving people in my life. When I lived away from all family for almost a decade, he was the only one who would regularly visit me. I hated where I was and he knew that. He knew the visits would make my time away easier. No one else in my family cared to. Sure my parents came occasionally. But it was maybe 3 times over the 8 years. My grandpa made a point to visit multiple times a year. Growing up he’d always be one of my biggest supporters. Even though I was a grandchild from a son he didn’t raise and didn’t know all that well. We were close. I was close with all of that part of my family.

I can’t really describe how devastating it was when I learned he had no intention of ever accepting me and I would always be dead name to him. He used to call me roughly once every couple months. I haven’t heard from him in almost 2 years.

His daughter reached out to me last week. We’re going to chat tomorrow. I think in an attempt to rekindle our relationship. Idk how to feel or what to expect. I want to rekindle our relationship. But I’m worried about what emotional position that will put me in. Thinking about him almost always ends up with me sobbing

I stitched a little notebook !

(so little ! it’s about A9 in size)

Going back to the dorms on Friday. It’s a yay/nay situation. Love my friends there. Hate the amount of the work that has to get done. But gotta think on the positive end to keep me going. (Or just… think less to make it easier on the mind lol.)

Today I went to an awesome local coffee shop/bookstore. It’s so beautifully decorated with unique displays and niche items. It captured a very cottage core theme while also having a surprisingly wide variety of books. God I’m gonna miss that place. I really want to go back. Has everything I want in a bookstore… There’s a whole bookshelf filled with architecture and graphic design books I want to get.

Then I got to go to this cute little park/outlet. I’m not sure how to describe it— it’s a small area with a treehouse playground that’s walled off. And I got to see a fire show of sorts. It’s been a fun, exhausting day. Nice way to end my summer break.

Better than last week, doing more work as our Kickstarter continues, we’re still 19k away from our goal with less than 2 weeks left though… Which is a major stressor. But other than that life has been good and calm.