7 points

“It’s important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That’s why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.”

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7 points

When you get the instructions wrong for self love

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6 points

When you get the instructions RIGHT for self love

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29 points

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86 points

I know this is just a “grass is always greener” because I am horridly burned out at my current gig and it’s only getting worse, but damn, I’m really sitting here on my lunch break going “Yeah, gathering fish jizz sounds a whole lot better than going back into this hellhole”.

On the other hand, you probably need some marine life education to become the cuddlefish jizzmopper that I certainly lack.

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16 points

cuddlefish

That’s cute actually

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52 points

nothing to stop you from buying an aquarium and becoming a hobbyist cuttlefish jizzmopper!

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5 points

They don’t want to be a cuttlefish jizmopper. They want to be a cuddlefish jizmopper. Much cozier species.

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51 points

I stare at a big, brightly lit rectangle and press little rectangles with my fingers.
I get paid about $0.02 per rectangle press on average.

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34 points

Do the rectangle presses have to form a sort of order? Or can you optimize your pressing by rolling your head on them until the day is over?

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41 points

Most days I feel like it doesn’t matter.

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