100 points

While it’s commonly believed that Dan Crenshaw wears an eye patch because he lost one eye to an IED in Afghanistan, it’s much more likely he uses it to adapt more easily to changing lighting conditions when going below deck.

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7 points

He is waaAy too establishment to be a pirate.

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4 points

Aye sea what you did there…

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-4 points

Is he gay? I kind of always assumed he was since most extreme conservatives are just in the closet doms.

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3 points

You don’t have to be gay to be dominant

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73 points

Guys like this are the kind of guys that end up shooting kids out of fear.

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41 points

Cops?

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15 points

The venn diagram is a circle

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24 points

That could apply to both these douchers

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0 points

I was referring to “I can take isis on myself” hard man Leon.

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13 points

To me it seemed like an obvious joke

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11 points

Come on dude. We didn’t leave all our joke sensors on reddit, did we? I mean reddit had enough missed pointes on its own already, but you’re smarter than them.

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-2 points

Is there something wrong with the navy guy specifically or are you just not a fan of most military people in general? I’ve never heard of him so idk.

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20 points

He’s a former right-wing member of the House of Representatives, that was involved in a number of scandals, and attempted to bring a firearm through TSA security multiple times

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17 points

Dan Crenshaw is a proper shithead politician, just google his ass

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10 points

He’s an anti-LGBT bigot, anti-bodily autonomy wrt abortion, thinks COVID isn’t dangerous, and is a climate change denier. He’s just one more Republican shitbird in a long line of shitbirds.

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7 points
*
Deleted by creator
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35 points

“an improvised explosive device” is admittedly a pretty fun thing to call “jerking off into my own face and hitting myself in the eye and being too self-conscious about it to go to medical until it got infected”

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11 points

Dude’s got corrosive nuts

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4 points

Baby I’m about to blow, quickly roll for initiative.

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3 points

Like the old Navy saying goes, “Jizz like a xenomorph bleeds.”

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2 points

All that monster gotta end up somewhere.

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3 points

“You talk a lot of shit for someone in cumshot range” would therefore be the best comeback

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21 points

IRL anime protagonist

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19 points

You know what? Send him, see what happens

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7 points

Worst case scenario, we lose an armchair warrior.

Best case scenario? He joins isis and weakens their ranks.

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