I have waking panic attacks. Meaning i wake from a dead sleep and am instantly in fight or flight. My dr. thinks i have nightmares, I don’t.
It’s absolutely horrible. Imagine sleeping peacefully, you roll over to get more comfortable then BAM, heart pounding, jump out of bed because my legs have to be in motion, somethings wrong, very, very wrong, the walls of life are closing in ,it’s all over, everyone hates me, even my family. You break down in a hysterical rage of tears, cant catch your breath, look at the clock, it’s only midnight, you’ve been asleep for an hour. Try to fall back asleep, pass out with the TV on an hour later because the darkness horrifies you. Rinse and repeat every 2 to 3 hours until it’s time for work. Your coworkers talk shit because you’re always grumpy. Consider ending it all, but then who would be there for my boy? He depends on you, he loves you. Do what you can to make through the day. Every new day is more difficult than the last.
Anyways,
I have a panic disorder. While my symptoms manifest from different sources, the outcome is similar. For some background, my panic disorder seems to relate to a phobia of physical bodily processes and the accompanied sounds. (My fight-flight-freeze response can be triggered by the sensation or sounds immitted from my bodily process.) I’ve used different coping mechanisms over the last decade to combat the disorder, but after an incredibly rough January, I sought out additional help. From there a learned to think of my disorder in a different light.
The fear of the [insert thought] is okay to have, it’s the catastrophizing that’s the problem. Catastrophising is the true culprit in the positive feedback loop that is my panic disorder. To clarify this discovery, the fear of being afraid and the thoughts that accompany the build up cause the panic attack, not the subject of the panic. If that makes sense…
Anyhow, it has taken months to practice this new defensive train of thought, and I certainly haven’t been successful in diverting panic attacks in every scenario. However, recognizing the early moments of panic helps set my mind at ease. Additionally, I’ve significantly changed my diet, cutting out 80% of fast/fried foods and tried to have 6 hours of physical activity per week.
Hope my experience helps, or at least the idea that your not alone in this experience.
[Obligatory disclosure, I am not a professional, nor should you act on anything said. Instead, consider this strictly as an anecdote]
when theres nothing left
When you drink alcohol. Or conversely, when you stop drinking so much alcohol and exercise instead.
I know this is completely counterintuitive, but if you can sit with that wrong feeling without panicking, it will go away faster. Just accept that it is there. Don’t fight it. The more you fight your emotions, the harder they grip you.
Gotta find purpose.