Inside you there are two characters.

Even if you’re hands didn’t get any dirtier while you were in the bathroom, they were probably already dirty enough to justify washing them.

A staggering number of chuds are getting whiny about having to wipe themselves now.

They’re just post-hoc rationalizing the fact they’re filthy little gremlins. Lets not pretend like their hygiene is any better at home, where their excuses aren’t applicable.

Afraid to sit on the toilet seat, wash yo ass.

The

I’m 95% sure that knows we’re fans.

The upside is you’re much less likely to walk into a stall with poop in the toilet

They flush when I’m on them and shift in the slightest

And when you actually want them to flush, good luck figuring out the exact sequence of the rain dance you must perform

I have regained so much peace of mind since I realized I could drape toilet paper over the sensor.