Everyone has something they can’t stop themselves from nerding out over - but often it’s hard to find people to talk to about it. So go ahead, share your interests, and tell us about them!
I guess giving advice on job hunting and interviewing. I’ve done it so much and learned a lot, I can literally SEE how absolutely NOT confident ppl are about job hunting. ( which I get. More precisely they don’t see their value)
More importantly, they are blind to their value on the market and believe a toxic work environment is normal and hating their life because they hate their job making them miserable is just a part of working.
When really, when you see and acknowledge your worth, you don’t take that shit. You have a CHOICE. Employment isn’t a one way street. And employers realize that and treat you with respect.
Idk it’s a whole thing.
By any chance do you have some go-to examples of good resumes you like to point people to as what to do with theirs vs. what not to do? I realize this will vary given jobs and you should tailor it accordingly, but some base starting points are better than nothing.
https://www.blueskyresumes.com/
This helped me tremendously. Look at their before and after examples.
I did my resume 14 times until I saw this and was finally done using the examples they gave
Oh wow, that’s a load more examples than I’d expected, thanks! I’ll have to look over these for what might apply to what I’m interested in.
It’s interesting that you’re writing this, because I’ve literally just quit my job due to these reasons, and am starting to look for new things. Any particular tips you’d like to share?
Well you got this, and congrats on standing up for yourself by getting out of that shit whole environment. It’s not normal and not something you should accept.
Apply only to jobs you are qualified for that meet your expectations. Expectations? They pay adequately, the hours are decent, it’s not to far from where you live, and their job requirements aren’t insane.
Insane job requirements? Toxic employers say this on their job posting;
"Must be able to work under consistent pressure in a stressful environment while handling multiple tasks at once. Must be able to work a flexible schedule with little notice including nights, weekends and holidays. Must be on call. Must be able to complete other duties as assigned not directly relating to X role. Must be able to take direction. Must be obsessed with customer satisfaction. Customer service, customer service, customer service. (Employers obsessed with customer service care more about the customer then they do about you. So they’ll treat you like shit and let customers treat you like shit. You basically don’t matter)
Any misspellings and their job posting, requiring a cover letter, and requiring quizzes questionnaires and personality assessments. Employers seriously looking to hire the right candidate don’t waste their time on bullshit like that. If you’re qualified they will schedule you for an in-person interview within a drop of a hat.
Look at Google reviews glassdoor and indeed and get rid of your LinkedIn profile (unless you’re in tech) LinkedIn is used to SCREEN YOU OUT.
Employers don’t need to see your connections, a picture of what you look like, and your inspirational statement. all they need is your resume and if they feel that you’re qualified they can schedule you for an interview that’s all they need to know is the information that’s on your damn resume.
Realize you’re worth and have some standards. Don’t let employers dick you around. Because they will and once you show them that you respect yourself and your time it’s easier to weed through the bullshiters and you’ll find and actually good healthy employer.
Anyway lol I could go on all day lol
Thank you very much for all those points, it#s a good thing to read them summarized like this! My last employer actually did have some negative Glassdoor entries, and I convinced myself it’ll be different since I worked in a different part of the company. Definitely learned my lesson that these problems are not local to only parts.
Can you follow up on the weed you out linkedin thing? I got a job at an engineering firm and set one up because all my coworkers had one.
Do you mean employers look at it to judge you on what you look like and what you post? Or that employers pass by anyone that has one?
my mental issues 🥴
At the risk of sounding edgy: Sex.
I live in the US. Sex, even just plain boring vanilla sex, is such a taboo topic. Everyone’s uncomfortable about it, and that sucks. I think it’s interesting, and fun, and there’s so many things to talk about from actual activities to social constructs and more.
Whenever it comes up, I nerd out the same way I would when talking about a game I am currently obsessing over.
Cake is involved is you subscribe to the slang term referring to butts. Love eating cake. Especially if it’s frosted. 😋
Quantum entanglement and string theory, but only when im super stoned.
Smacking children and how it literally has no benefit to the child whatsoever, and makes you a bad parent if you still do it.
I used to be a strong supporter of smacking kids, I even signed a government petition to revoke the NZ anti-smacking bill, but after studying it at uni and then keeping abreast of the research afterwards, it has only negative effects, and yet bad parents still defend it.
Hard to talk about because people get weirdly defensive even when there’s NO evidence that smacking kids is either beneficial or effective.
What is the appropriate way to parent children? All my friends who try the “gentle parenting” approach have horrible children. They don’t listen and their only gear is shrieking banshee. Most children I’ve witnessed don’t listen to logic or reason so how do you discipline? I don’t have nor do I ever want children, I’m just curious. I also dislike children so my perspective may be slightly jaded.
IMO I’m pro spanking within reason. There’s circumstances where it’s warranted. I don’t believe in going overboard but the problem is that’s all based on opinion from person to person. Lots of kids I see need a spanking based on how they act in public. I’d agree that the parents I’ve seen “gentle parent” have kids who are assholes and the ones I’ve seen grow up are still assholes but older. Could be a fault in the parent somewhere but idk. I was spanked as a kid and looking back, when I was spanked it was absolutely warranted. Spanked my oldest as I deemed necessary and he’s turned out to be pretty caring for others and a really solid dude. He’s my son and best friend.
I guess my thought is that spanking is OK but should be seldom used and within reason. Unfortunately “reason” is subjective.
I was also spanked as a kid. My dad’s was fueled by hatred and anger. It was very rough and mean and he’d yell afterwards. We have a terrible relationship and are basically no contact. My mom spanked rarely but it was a compassionate spanking. Afterwards she would explain why, ask me not to do the bad thing again, and then hug me and make me tell her I loved her. We have an excellent relationship. So I yeah, I think spanking can be done in a positive way but only reserved for dire situations. So, I’m not quite sold on the gentle parenting. The world isn’t gentle and will rarely cater to your needs. I’m willing to hear perspectives and view outcomes though!
There is no “within reason” for child abuse.
The vast vast majority of scientific research proves that hitting children only results in negative outcomes, not only in child development, but it’s constantly shown to not reduce the undesired behaviour.
If a child can’t be reasoned with for why it’s actions were wrong, they can’t reason why their loving parent strikes them.
If you choose to ignore what’s essentially scientific fact and continue hitting children, then the adage “I was hit as a kid and I turned out okay” might be plain wrong.
Furthermore, suggesting that an action is okay because the child “turned out fine” can be used to justify any objectionable behaviour. “I was molested and I turned out okay, therefore molestation is justifiable”. If your child did indeed turn out okay, that is despite you choosing to assault them, as ALL research shows you were in the wrong.
I’ll start with the wholly negative effects of hitting children, specifically the section on Effects on Behaviour and Development. Time and time again, scientific studies prove there is literally no benefit to hitting children, with only poor outcomes.
My understanding is the most effective means of punishment involve first establishing an environment of rich support and love for the child. Then when there’s poor behaviour, short time outs.
You remember that episode of The Simpsons when Bart steals the game cartridge, and what upsets him most is Marge’s total loss of attention?
A secondary strong punishment is removal of positives, like revoking video game access etc.
It’s hard to critique whatever parents you mention without knowing specifics, but it often comes down to:
- Poor follow through, with parents threatening punishment but rarely enacting
- Limited positive attention given to the child, likely due to “no time”
- Poor communication of reward/punishment system, or poorly established system.
Finally, sometimes children and just little shits with bad temperament. It’s vital to understand that countless studies show physical abuse does not result in corrective behaviour, with only negative developmental outcomes.
That was a great response! Thanks for being so thorough. I’d love to see this in action and see what kind of thriving adults it produces. I’m not knocking my friends because I’m not a parent so maybe they are doing great but their kids just have crazy personalities. I try not to judge them as parents since I don’t know what it’s like.
There’s more than two choices here for you and your father that don’t boil down to logic puzzles or child abuse.
It sounds like his heart was in the right place, but without understanding your mental capabilities.
At that ages, punishments need to be clearly established and actionable. The child is behaving badly, the parent demonstrates "if you keep doing that, you’ll lose out on (Xbox, free time, family game night etc etc), then following through. If that fails, then removing the child to isolate for a while. Once they’ve calmed down, then following through with the aforementioned punishment.
Your father’s punishments would probably start working around 9-10 years old according to research.
Finally, the “I got hit and I turned out okay” is terrible logic. That justifies any behaviour that someone can survive through. Just glance at the research to see why smacking is a wholly negative ordeal with no upsides for the child.
