Are there any other terms. I’m just curious
There are many different kinds of attractions. Some that come to mind:
- Sexual: you want to have sex
- Sensual: you want to touch them
- Emotional: you want to share feelings
- Aesthetic: you like how they look
- Platonic: you like the idea of them
- Romantic: you want to share a deep knowledge of each other
- Intellectual: you want to discuss stuff with them
…and probably some more that I’m missing.
I think it’s important to note that many of these overlap with each other as they are socially defined, as opposed to defined by action. Even among the action defined ones like emotional and sexual, what falls into what people consider “sex” or what feelings are on or off the table because of existing relationships and desires, are all malleable to an extent.
Romantic is the most socially defined among this list, and broadly overlaps with all of these categories. It’s also the category among these I struggle the most with, as I don’t do well with broadly/loosely defined social concepts, especially those that often come from the experience of a feeling (gender is another example of these). It’s less likely that one person’s definition of an intellectual connection/attraction would differ significantly from another human, but much more likely that romantic would.
At the end of the day, language isn’t perfect. It’s a way for us to communicate abstract ideas with some kind of structure. Ultimately you need to ask someone what romance is to them, to understand whether that’s something you’re interested in, and then have a conversation with the person about what kind of romantic connection they are on board for.
I think they’re just non-exclusive, so any relationship is likely to have a mix of some degrees of more than one kind of attraction, and one can lead to another or change over time.
Communication is definitely the key. It’s hard to convey all the nuance in a single world, or even a set of words. Like, once I saw someone refer to themselves as “bi-sapioromantic”… which kind of answered some questions, but raised others. Another time, a couple people seemed to hit it off… until one of them said “before we go any further, can I see your ankles?.. no, that wouldn’t work, sorry”. I don’t know what their deal was, or whether there even is a word for it, but at least they communicated effectively.
Is it possible to just have one type? I have never had a crush, I have never looked at anyone ever and got turned on or thought about sex with a specific person; but I would literally have sex with anyone if they initiated it because I like sex for pleasure. Is that just a sensual type of attraction or just seriously fucked up?
For me, romantic attraction means I have all of the warm swoony fuzzy feelings for another person, where I want to spend time with them, do things for them, have a deep, emotionally close relationship with them…the only things I don’t want to do with them are sexual things like get naked and touch each other’s genitalia and stuff.
Sexual attraction means you look at someone and think “I’d fvck them”
Romantic attraction means you look at someone’s personality and behaviour and think “I wanna date them” or “I wanna be in a romantic relationship with them”
A third term is aesthetic attraction, which is “I like looking at that person” but not necessarily “I want to have intercourse with that person”
Also piggybacking to say that aesthetic attraction can exist without romantic attraction as well.
There are lots of girls who look good, and who I like looking at. However, I’ve never felt any urge to have sex with them or take them on dates.
It’s basically like looking at sunsets or cute animals, but with people instead. You’d never have sex with them or date them, but they sure are enjoyable to look at.
Ever played fuck marry kill?
It can sometimes approximate the split. Though it’s not as clear for everyone. Some people the two are very closely related, for others, it’s completely separate.
Some people (some aces, aros, or aroaces) don’t really understand how others play that game though and treat the game very differently without realizing it.
I am ace and am super curious how we might treat this different from an allo.
The way I decide is that I marry the person I like the most, kill the person I like the least, and fuck the leftover.
