ONCE AND FOR ALL

I needed a white karate gi for a Street Fighter Halloween costume, so I went to the local school and bought one, and while I was at it I bought a black one too, in case I ever wanted to be a ninja. Then I started wearing the black karate pants as pajamas.

That was over twenty years ago. Those same black karate pants are still my favorite pajamas. In-fucking-credible.

The fashion world is in a war on pockets, so they can sell more handbags. The fewer and smaller pockets we have, the more accessories we need to buy. First they came for women’s pockets. Now they’re trying to make cargo shorts unacceptable for the same reason.

“Nurse said that if I were a good lad that I should receive a lolly!”

He probably had a little bit of time travel psychosis left over from his jaunt through the Guardian of Forever.

I didn’t see nothin’.

I describe fox noises as sounding like a combination of shock and pain, like someone getting unexpectedly stabbed in the back with a fondue fork at what was up until then a nice party.

“I want to smoke weed and not pay taxes and I lack basic empathy for anyone with problems worse than my own.”

So you’re saying that the Gulf Coast gives people bad credit?

/s

Hawkeye: War isn’t Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.

Father Mulcahy: How do you figure that, Hawkeye?

Hawkeye: Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell?

Father Mulcahy: Sinners, I believe.

Hawkeye: Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them — little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander.