WannabeBear [he/him, comrade/them]
Even though my hope is to one day “pass” as a man, I relate to this!
When I bind, wear masc clothing, and leave a bit of my stubble, I’ve had a couple instances where I can tell people were like because of my gender presentation, and that alone gives me so much joy!
Even if I can never pass, confusing the cishets and not being automatically assumed to be a woman would be an okay place to land, too.
I came out to like a dozen people this week (prior to this week I was only fully out to like 3), and have a couple small social circles that are now using he/him pronouns for me.
Feels better than I imagined, and is also making me impatient to be fully out (but safety is making me try to hold back for ideally another 8+ months). Every person I tell (who accepts me, so far haven’t told anyone who doesn’t) it feels like a literal weight off my shoulders.
Also had the most gender-affirming sex of my life, thanks to my first realistic prosthetic.
And it’s been ~3 months on full dose T now. I had fully lasered my legs and armpits in my early twenties, trying to get rid of the hatred I felt for my body (ouch, wrong direction
Sorry this is a novel. I have no other trans community yet.
I repressed my gender for ~7 years after coming out as nonbinary/questioning to my husband, when he said “as long as you’re not a transman or don’t get a beard.”
Spoilers, I’m a transman.
Those 7 years were horrible for my mental and physical health. I lost so much.
I can’t say what the right choice is for you. Having kids must make your decision even harder. Whatever you choose, you are valid.
But in my experience, the dysphoria and need to transition only got stronger with age. Until it finally got to the point where I think repressing it any longer would have literally killed me.