Comment by curiousaur@reddthat.com on The dreaded ring (by Pedro Arizpe)

Or just want to talk to someone? Why are we simultaneously normalizing anti-social behavior and wondering why the young people are so unhappy?

Why not text ‘wanna talk sometime’? A call demands an immediate response, so reserve it for things that demand immediate responses.

Or, you know, you could just talk to a person on the phone.

But it they are in the middle of something they could lose half a minute of time instead of 5 seconds checking a text. It’s the same as opening a phone call with ‘got time to talk’ but more efficient.

Oh no, 30 whole seconds.

It adds up. Why waste other people’s time? I think it can be inconsiderate.

If you think talking to a loved one on the phone for 30 seconds is a waste of time, you might want to evaluate your priorities.

Phone calls are never thirty seconds. It’s always fluffed up by twenty minutes of “how are you” and “what are your plans next week” like fam I’m trying to do the dishes and had to scramble to pick up the phone with wet hands, go away

If you’re in the middle of something, let it go to voicemail and check it when you’re done.

People are just sooooo busy with their SUPER IMPORTANT lives, that they definitely don’t have 5 minutes to spend unscheduled with the likes of you.

Piss off and get in the text queue like everyone else!

No it doesn’t. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll text you to pick up the phone. There’s a reason the terms “phone tag” and “screening calls” exist.

But you don’t know the relative importance of what they’re telling vs what you’re doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.

That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.

The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.

Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.

If things “escalate”… well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.

And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist.

I use these. But they’re less direct and easier to misunderstand than if it was native text. If someone wants to say it, they can voice type as well.

Absolutely. Also hit and miss accuracy wise and can turn out to be an essay, but definitely an option.

I actually agree with you on that one. I hate voicemail. If I don’t pick up, shoot me a text or send a voice recording through the messaging app.

Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it’s important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don’t call back if I don’t get a text, that’s reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.

Great. That’s your boundary. Sounds like you have disabled them permanently. I’m saying that people should use tools, and communication when necessary, to exercise their own boundaries, like you, rather than make meanings or assumptions, or expect others to be mindreaders.

I don’t even get how voicemail works, last time I checked there was like 6 “unread” voicemails from months ago I never knew I’d gotten and it was just my mom saying “please call me back” or some inaudible noise and figuring out how to delete them is a pain too.

That sounds like something pretty heavily in the “you problem” zone. If it’s going to be acceptable to look down on folks who don’t understand stuff like chat apps, not understanding voicemail is still “oh god i am not good with technology how did i get here”

Damn dude, it’s not that big a deal. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll find a way to let you know.

I don’t mind much. I just don’t call because it wastes people’s time. But I don’t want to let it go to voice mail because then it wastes their time.

Ah, see in my opinion going to voicemail is just the risk you take if you call someone.

Calling is only a waste of time if your conversationalism isn’t worth the time. You see the self own don’t you?

if you don’t pick up they’ll get mad and say you never pick up your phone

This is true. It’s what I tell my mom because she never picks up her phone! 😄

You will feel terrible if you don’t pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.

Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.

A situation like that has only happened to me once… and they didn’t call, they emailed me.

Thanks for waking me up from the one nap I’ve gotten this year.

I’m sorry, what’s “phone tag” and “screening calls”? Never heard of any of that.

Haha phone tag is what we used to do before text messages. Call each other over and over and you’re never both available 😂

Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I’d typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they’re older.

Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that’s going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.

Sure, my work uses discord, and I know friends that use it. But my family doesn’t. Plus, if you do sales, or job searching, or anything that involves talking to people for work who don’t directly work for your company then Discord is a little awkward. A phone or zoom call is better.

Discord, that’s a good one. That’s a gaming communication app.

You’ll be screwed in 4-5 years when it goes belly up.

No, Discord is a communication app that is mainly used for gaming.

That is like calling Whatsapp a family communication app.

Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.

It’s not imposing. You don’t have to answer.

You would have, if you knew how important it was.

But you can’t know that of a phone call, with a text you can.

So when you “just want to talk” you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they’re doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn’t pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That’s when I actually started disliking them. So don’t randomly call people please thank you.

Also texting someone instead of talking isn’t antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they’re doing at the same time.

You absolutely cannot say in a text what you can in a call

You can multitask while texting, true, but that is antisocial. Social, is having a conversation.

how is that antisocial?

Only when you are illiterate can you not say in a text what you can in a call.

If you think that’s true then you are self roasting your own conversationalism.

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