thinking about a friend from high school who i said a lot of eggy shit to and they said a lot back at me. wonder how they’re doing?
Speaking as someone who had another person tell me directly that I was almost certainly trans while I was still in denial, I think it made me go further into denial rather than help me at all.
I do think that saying literally nothing isn’t super helpful either though, leading statements work best imo, as well as offering small sites and stuff when they ask for it.
Yeah, as much as i’d love to have an egg cracker, i don’t think it works like that. I also think it would’ve helped if i had had more unbiased info about transness when i was an egg, but getting cracked was a long process with a ton of steps, i basically had to overcome all of my intenralized transphobia first and then see convincing examples of trans joy to crack me.
People are closeted for a reason, and that reason is that we’ve all been raised in a crushingly transphobic society where even in the best cases, our existences are almost always exclusively portrayed as tragic tales of martyrdom. As a horrible faith that sadly can’t be helped because
spoiler
the very, very few real actual true transsexuals are cursed with this overwhelming desire to live as the opposite sex
(just typing that makes my skin crawl, i’m gonna spoiler it for transmedicalism).
When you’re in denial, you will actively run away from that when somebody says to you “hey, you could also lead a live of crushing gender dysphoria and being afraid of transphobic hate crimes”. The only way to crack people is to make them realize that transitioning is a desirable and realistic goal for them, that all the struggles are worth it, that they’re a fight for a better, more dignified and more fulfilling life. And you can’t do that by just saying “hey btw you’re very obviously trans”.
Pretty much agree with all this, especially the part on media portrayals being too overwhelmingly martyr-y. I think in general trans media from my experience falls either into that camp or the feel good ‘everyone has already transitioned and is accepted by their community’ camp. I think both are valuable but I feel like there needs to be more stories that go into the realisation process and how it gradually makes your life better. There are a few that exist but they’re so rare that it’s hard to find them if you’re not already trans and active in the community. The only thing that comes close outside the main trans community that I can think of is Bridget, who is actually weirdly decent for this considering how messy her story is overall. But a fighting game arcade mode just isn’t a great medium for such a narrative to go in-depth.
That’s very fair. I’m normally a stubborn person who will reject things if they’re phrased too adversarially (e.g. TC69 thought ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
Looking back I was more seeking permission and encouragement from someone else to look inward which I never really got, but if I’d been in denial it wouldn’t have helped. The second comment in the OP seems like a great middle ground
Seeking encouragement and permission I definitely get, that’s why I think leading comments and sending resources is much better than being direct. The same woman who told me I was trans directly later sent me a short infomanga about bottom surgery “just so I know my options” and it had a much more positive impact on my realising since it made me think “oh, this is normal, I could do this”
It did also scare me away from bottom surgery but that’s due to my squeamishness
