I just got up from conversation with a couple of older black men, that I said “well I got to go back to work and start cracking the whip.” And it occurred to me then that it was probably a really insensitive stupid thing to say.
Sadly, it hadn’t occurred to me until it’s already said.
cracking the whip
I think this is a fantastic example of what you’re talking about.
On its face, “cracking the whip” doesn’t need to be seen as offensive. Humans have collectively spent far more time using whip cracks to motivate animals than fellow humans, I suspect.
However, the determination of offensive speech is not in the hands of the speaker, but rather in the reception by the listener. That is to say, you can have the purest of intentions but if someone is offended by what you say, no amount of explaining takes away the initial offense. And generally you don’t GET to do that explaining. Damage is done, and that person may then avoid you or already have a shifted opinion of you.
I’ve had to learn this lesson the hard way. And fortunately have had friends who were willing to tell me that I had offended them when I thought what I said was completely benign.
I get what you’re saying, but nobody who says they are going to start cracking the whip is talking about training animals. Even if they were, that’s not an inoffensive metaphor, either. You’re either comparing subordinates to slaves or animals. You’re suggesting that physical violence, the threat of torture, is an appropriate motivator, or you wish it were. If that’s not what you’re saying, then you shouldn’t say that, even as an exaggeration or a joke.
It is an offensive metaphor. You may not offend everyone, but if you have offended someone, it’s not their fault you said something offensive. They didn’t choose to be offended, and made no determination about what you meant. You should say what you mean, clearly, and with intent. Carelessness is not an excuse for using offensive language.
Crystal clear. You’re angry and want me to go away because it bothers you that I’ve pointed out how offensive certain language can be.
nobody who says they are going to start cracking the whip is talking about training animals
Not training animals. But I’m pretty sure many of the people who use that phrase think they are talking about horse-drawn carriages, as per the etymology given by the American Heritage Dictionary.
I think that’s more likely what @TheRealKuni was referring to.
It’s still best to avoid it of course.
Cracking a whip near a horse makes it run in the direction you want at the speed you want. That’s training an animal. Employees or subordinates aren’t horses to be frightened with loud noises, either.
I hate how everybody else gets to judge whether or not someone’s speech is offensive, regardless of what someone intended
That’s just how humans are. It’s not just about words but actions too. If you get drunk and drive your vehicle and hit and kill someone you go to jail. You didn’t intend to kill anyone so why should you be held responsible? Sure intent matters but it’s not the only thing that matters.
If you get drunk and drive, you had the intention to do something you knew could result in someone being killed. The intent very much matters in determining responsibility, and it’s the reason you’d likely be charged with involuntary manslaughter, but not murder.
I watched a college professor asking a Korean if they ever considered the work “Nega” (you) could be construed as offensive to people. Like, bruh.
Yeah it sucks but also it’s both gut feelings and self defense against bad actors.
Being a person is hard and that’s one of the ways. But also we get to decide how we respond to it. Some things like OP’s example naturally feel “oh fuck yeah I shouldn’t’ve said that” other things leave a conflict of opinion.
Words can hurt. And intentions matter when we hurt people but they aren’t the only thing that matters. Someone hurt in a car crash caused by you driving poorly may decide that they don’t want to give you another chance to drive with them in the car and that’s their choice.
How we respond to accidentally hurting people though will speak volumes about us. Do we apologize and attempt to change, ever striving to be a more positive force in everyone’s lives? Or do we lash out or respond with apathy, even when third parties say we’re in the wrong? I know who I’m trying to be, and I hope others see the value in that person.
The only thing I hate is the impatience with which some people act when something offends them.
I get that anger or frustration is the motivator but if this person who offended you is not just some random asshole, speak up and explain first. Maybe some people aren’t pieces of shit, they’re just repeating phrases they’ve heard a million times and never thought about.
Not everyone’s had that moment of realization that there is a ton of colloquial slang that is (or has been repurposed to be) a really fucked up dog whistle.
However, the determination of offensive speech is not in the hands of the speaker, but rather in the reception by the listener.
Descriptively speaking, I think that it’s more complex than it looks like - the determination depends on the linguistic community, not just the listener.
Whether offense exists is more on the listener (or audience rather). Whether any action (a simple “sorry” or more severe) should be expected is the complicated part.
The offence existing or not can’t depend solely on the listener, because existence is an objective trait and feeling offended is subjective. Your parentheses get it though - it includes the audience (the linguistic community, not just the listener). I’ll use a silly example to show that.
Let us suppose that someone (“Bob”) got offended by your usage of the word “listener”, claiming that you’re insensitive towards people who communicate through sign languages, and since they’re mostly deaf that you would be ableist. (It’s insane troll logic, but bear with me.)
Bob can certainly feel offended by that. But that won’t change anything, if other people do not consider it offensive. At most they’ll tell Bob “you’re making shit up, touch grass” and call it a day.
The picture however would change if Bob got offended by something and people around him agreed with him.
Whether any action (a simple “sorry” or more severe) should be expected is the complicated part.
Both are complicated, I believe.
I too learned this the hard way, but with an image. Specifically, the “Shut Down Everything” meme. It’s an older meme and I used it in chat room with a much younger (Zoomer) crowd. The image has some resemblance to certain offensive depictions of Black people. I think it was accidental, given that it appears to be more an influence of MS Paint.
Someone got offended and talked to their manager. Unfortunately it was only months later that I got word through my manager. I would have appreciated an opportunity to offer to apologize to them face-to-face. I should have spotted the resemblance and not used the meme.
