tl;dr: have a friend who has historically always been mad when his friends got a gf/wife. He acts like he’s 15 years old and saying “bros before hoes” still. He calls me and other friends a yuppie or breeder, and he thinks crosswalks are authoritarian so he has to always be a “rebel” and make it seem like he has the most unique viewpoint in the world. He doesn’t change anything about himself, and he’s stubbornly proud of having “no filter.” This has caused every wife/gf of his friends to not like him. He will never be invited to any kind of social event because he will say stupid shit. Like, nobody has to be a rabid commie all the fucking time. Him and my gf got into a huge fight because he always talks like an asshole, and i live with my gf, so he doesnt come to my house at all because he’ll say some shit. He still brings up this fight when im around him, and it’s like get the fuck over it. I basically don’t share anything about my life that involves my partner now, because he’ll say something fucking stupid about her. He also begins a lot of sentences with “well” or “actually” which is never helpful. He literally can’t admin when he is wrong, even about the simplest shit.
This really all seemed to get worse once I started my current long term relationship, and then it got way worse when my gf got sick of his shitty attitude and how he treats everyone like an asshole. He literally just can’t be chill at all. No leftist(or similar) should be ranting constantly about every single injustice during every single social situation. That is exhausting to be around, and there is a time and place for it, but there has to be an ability to switch that shit off.
Finding and keeping relationships requires changing yourself just a bit, and making compromises, and it’s now become apparent he isn’t capable of that.
related question: have you ever dumped a long time friend? This is all a somewhat recent change, like the past 3-4 years, and it really seems to be because im in a relationship like most of our friend group, so now he’s totally alone. Ive heard him say he’s in therapy but i have to wonder if that’s true, because it clearly isn’t working. I’m annoyed by him but I pity him too because he can’t fucking change for anybody at all.
crosswalks are authoritarian
He’s right though, jaywalking didn’t even exist until the past few decades. How the fuck are feds going to make a law just to harass minorities crossing the street, and just have everybody be cool with it?
Pedestrians should always have right of way.
So he thinks crosswalks are authoritarian in how they limit him as a driver?
… he likes trotsky but he’s anti-authotarian? does he know trotskys role in the russian civil war…
related question: have you ever pretty much cut ties with someone after knowing them for a long ass time?
Yes. A friend I’d known for decades, from primary school. I’d just learned that I’d acquired a 10-year-old step-niece. My sister had started living with her now-current-husband/then-boyfriend. He had custody of his daughter due to the biological mom making a very long string of very bad decisions. I told my friend about this and how much I was looking forward to being the awesome-cool uncle I knew I could be, to this bright kind kid with some lingering trauma.
The first words out his mouth were “Is she cute? Is her mom hot?”
So in the span of about a second I realized I needed to go no-contact with my childhood friend.
(Step-niece grew up to be a professional nurse, and has been making a long string of very good personal-life decisions, and has become the kindest gentlest playfullest aunt of her own to her toddler niece.)
he thinks crosswalks are authoritarian
holy shit
he really is closer to a nutjob libertarian than he thinks. the other day he said youtube charging to remove ads is authoritarian. but also when i pirate video games he talks about how they need that money to make more games. there really is no consistency. i guess it’s what no theory does to a mfer.
Yeah. I was friends with a person for years. Would stand up for her when people talked bad behind her back. Supported her transition.
Then one day she ghosted me. Which is fine, we all got our lives but I liked our hangouts and kinda left it open if she ever wanted to reconnect. Later on I found out she went all ‘truescum’ and it was such a ladder pull. I was done. Good riddance.
truescum
hexbear, always showing me new words i never knew about. from what i read it’s basically a trans person who gatekeeps.
He sounds bitter that he’s still single while all his friends have a girlfriend/partner, and there’s definitely some self sabotaging behaviour occuring because of that. Like thinking he’s better than anyone else and refusing to change. That way he stays single, can continue being/playing an arsehole, and doesn’t need to do introspection or ask himself some hard questions. I know I’ve phrased that really crudely, but sometimes you need to call a spade a spade.
Other than trying to tell him this somehow and let him connect the dots himself, there’s not much you can do.
exactly, nobody wanting to go on more than one date shows a lot, and when they don’t want to go out again it’s their fault because they don’t accept his shitty teen-like behavior. No woman wants to date a manchild.
When him and my gf had a fight, i even said to him “do you think our other friends wives/gfs like you? cause they don’t.” I named one friends wife in particular(call him Dave), and i found out later he texted/called Dave in disbelief that his wife wouldnt like him. Daves wife and my friend got into a fight over a situation years ago where he just had to be abrasive and shitty, and Daves wife definitely still hates him. Also if i told Dave some of the shit my “friend” said about his wife behind his back, he’d cut him off totally.
The worst part is i dont even want to tell him, because i know he’ll just dig in further about his shitty attitude and how it’s the world with a problem and not him. I really don’t even know what to do except avoid going out with him.
Is there any way you can try tell him this/suggest it and let him figure it out himself? Because that’s probably the only way out here if he thinks he’s better than anyone else.
that would just take bravery on my part, because it’s just gonna end up into some fight about how i’ve changed because im in a relationship. It will never be a problem that he is causing, it’s always external forces to blame. He’s 16 years old in the brain, so if i don’t take his side or my gfs side, i’ve betrayed him.
most of the time it was someone he met in a real life event. as far as i can tell he had pretty much zero success at getting any dates on any apps. i never saw his bio, or the chats, but i can only assume he threw up flags right away just because he has to say too much too fast. anymore im pretty sure he doesnt even try to find dates now, i think he’s internally accepted he’ll never like someone enough to make compromises.
