‘fuck, I fucking love coleslaw’ said no one ever.
Fuck! I fucking love coleslaw!
Hahahahhaha Seriously, though. I’ll take your portions.
Dude, you gotta come south! Even the bad slaw here is edible, unless it’s made by damn yankees that moved here.
Like, maybe you wouldn’t like it, but slaw varies so much by recipe and by ingredients quality that it never surprises me that someone hates it until they try a different version, but still hates the original version they thought of as slaw.
Like, even KFC slaw, which is mid tier at best, I can just skip the damn chicken and have that. And that ain’t good slaw.
Like, damn. You get some nice, peppery cabbage, shred it fine and do more than add mayo, and you’ll be at edible for sure. Maybe not something you get seconds of, but it’s okay enough.
I fucking love some fucking slaw. Cole slaw is pretty much my favorite slaw, but there’s vinegar slaws too, and even yogurt slaws. And damn, you get some bbq slaw, all vinegary and with plenty of red pepper in it, there isn’t anything better on pit smoked bbq. Like, damn! Whether it’s on the bun with it, or as a side with a bbq plate, it cuts through the fats as a palate cleanser, and still manages to be worth eating on its own.
And some yogurt slaw? Fuck me running! It’s more like a fruit salad with a lot of cabbage added tbh, but it works. Carrots, raisins, and finely sliced apples, some salt and pepper. You’ll slap yo mama.
Oh! And you get some fucking prime-ass cole slaw, you grab a biscuit, you slap some fried chicken on that motherfucker and top it with slaw. Gods damn, boys, that’s the fucking lunch if champions right there!
I am fucking enthusiast about slaw.
Coleslaw is fucking awesome you godless piece of shit.
I can tell a lot about you from that statement.
You like pineapple on pizza.
You once played seven minutes in heaven…with your cousin
You know two facts about ducks, and they are both wrong.
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Coleslaw is food you give to someone you hate. Mayo and cabbage? What did I knock up your sister or something? Please give me something with even one goddamn spice in it.
See, there’s the problem.
Slaw ain’t mayo and cabbage. It’s more of a cabbage salad, the way you make chicken salad, or whatever.
It’s all about the extras, the mayo is just the carrier, and the slaw is your base.
You have to bring pepper to the mix, or you’re wasting your time. A bit of apple cider vinegar too. From there, it’s about fine tuning.
The carrots are optional, obviously. And I’ve seen raisins added when there’s carrots, and it’s here than it sounds.
But. Spice wise, you should bring a touch of paprika to the mix, a little pinch of cumin maybe, and some ground red pepper to give that kick underneath those.
Gotta be friendly with your salt cellar, but not too crazy.
And, believe it or not, the tiniest hint of sugar. I’m talking a literal pinch of the stuff per head of cabbage. Maybe two if you’re feeling weird. It enhances the spices, makes the vinegar more subtle, and amplifies the salt so you don’t have to use as much salt. Kinda like how a tiny bit of salt in sweet things can let you use less sugar and still get the flavor right.
Keep your cabbage spread small, smaller than you think it should be. The smallest size in most graters is where you want to be.
Now, instead of this bland mess, you’ve got something that pops and brings its own taste to the party.
I used to make giant bowls of slaw on the daily and the first thing I did was get my salt, sugar, vinegar ratio set. Once had that shit tangin’ out, I’d add the rest of the spices with a dollup of mayo. Slap dash and taste as you go, so fun.
coleslaw is good you just have no culture, sweetie 😘
If your culture is mixing mayonnaise into everything I want no part in it.
A couple in an elegant restaurant in Texas. The waiter appears, dressed in a tailcoat with a bottle wrapped in a napkin: “Chateo de Sauce, 1985” and pours a little into the customer’s glass, the customer tastes it and nods. The Waiter leaves and the other couple says “Wow, you were right, really a high-class restaurant.”
“I already said it, and this was just the ketchup.”
