It’s like watching a clown show. Maybe he should watch more porn and grow up.

207 points

Wow, that sounds intensely creepy.

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71 points

everything about mike Johnson is intensely creepy

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31 points

E.g. You’d definitely wouldn’t want other people to know you’re into fart-stuff.

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20 points

Know what I like the most?

Cake farts.

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17 points

Kids today don’t understand what it means to be cultured

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2 points

Brown queefs.

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2 points

“Visit our sister site, pudding farts…”

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9 points

I rip farts far too indiscriminately for that to be a secret, but I understand the sentiment.

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8 points

I’m fine with it as long as there’s no sediment.

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7 points
*

I read this as your farts are sentient.

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6 points

I know. I have the records.

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23 points

Yeah, this is even creepier than that Indiana coach who kissed his son open mouthed.

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27 points

Or that whole Gym Jordan buttsex thing with undergraduates.

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6 points

wtf? 😳

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-126 points

Accountability sounds creepy??? Okay, y’all are dipshits.

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60 points

Speaking of creepy, holy shit lmao

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48 points

Would you be okay if he and his son monitor each others masturbation frequency? Do you have any bar that seems excessive for a father/son relationship?

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47 points

Yeah, that’s fucking weird. Fathers and sons are meant to compete which is why my dad and I still hold our semi-annual Jerk-off Jam; I’ve won every single one since 2016. All the witnesses at the cemetery can confirm this.

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I nominate your comment for Creepiest Comment Of 2023.

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24 points

Accountability?

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11 points

How much porn does your dad look at, and how do you hold him accountable when he comes?

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4 points

1/10

Made me reply

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2 points

That’s the best shit I’ve read today lmao

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1 point
Deleted by creator
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115 points

That headline is… incredibly inaccurate. They’ve pledged to each other to avoid porn, and have software that throws an alarm (visible to each other) if they view it.

“Monitor Each Other’s Porn Intake” implies that they are seeking out porn and sharing it with each other, which is not what is happening here.

I think there are plenty of legitimate concerns here, but father and son sharing porn links is not one of them.

Also, I imagine young Mr. Johnson has at least 1 Android tablet or other burner device that is unknown to Dad.

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91 points
*

I mean when I read “monitoring each other’s porn intake” I assumed it meant “monitoring how much porn each other watches”. And considering who it was, I assumed that was for the sake of making sure that they didn’t watch any porn. I did not at any point think that they were sharing porn links with each other, because that’s generally not what monitoring someone’s intake means.

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18 points

I assumed it meant they each keep tabs to make sure the other gets just enough porn each day but not too much.

Daaaaaaaaad you’ve exceeded your porn allowance for the day and it’s not even elevensies yet! 😠

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2 points
*

Now this is the quality sarcasm that has disappeared from Reddit! Stay witty, mon ami!

Edit: this is my high way of saying, “LOL.” 🤣

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Intake implies there is some consumption to begin with

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1 point
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Not necessarily, it can also involve monitoring if there IS intake in the first place.

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1 point

“It sends a report to your accountability partner.

Depends on what is in that report. If it shows visited links. That would also make it pandering to a minor.

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76 points

Right, because making your son your porn accountability buddy is an extremely normal and healthy thing to do.

How dare this article make it sound like such a healthy and normal thing is somehow extremely weird and creepy!?!

It’s not like he had his wife holding him accountable for not looking at naked bodies online. That would be disgusting. No, like any upstanding citizen he wisely decided that he’d have it alert his son if temptation ever became too much and he looked at porn.

If only he had a parenting guide so that we could all learn to run a household in ways that will definitely not result in all the kids needing therapy down the road.

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7 points

Right, because making your son your porn accountability buddy is an extremely normal and healthy thing to do.

It absolutely is NOT, and that was one of the several problematic aspects of this that is not resolved by addressing the confusing language.

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13 points

Pretty sure the above post is sarcasm?

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52 points

No, what monitoring in this context means is to be made aware of each other’s porn INTAKE, or how much is being consumed and when, which the software is said to do. Nothing is suggesting they seek porn out to share content with each other, just that they are alerted when the other accesses porn.

I’d bet youre right about the alternative devices though.

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10 points

I wouldn’t be shocked to find there’s something to the jokes.

Sexually repressed conservatives usually have freaking weird kinks.

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1 point

Yeah seriously just be into pain like the rest of us

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-10 points

In any other context, “monitoring intake” implies that the monitored party is consuming a quantity of the thing under discussion, and that the monitoring party is getting a report on what, when, and how much.

You wouldn’t say “monitoring food intake” about someone abstaining from food, or “monitoring alcohol intake” about someone maintaining sobriety. You’d probably say “fasting” or “avoiding alcohol”, or similar language. Such language should have been used here for clarity, IMO.

People on the thread are responding like they are reviewing each other’s porn, because the language encourages that misinterpretation.

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7 points

I would say “monitoring food intake” means “making sure there isn’t too much”. One can infer through context that “too much” porn to conservative Christians would be “any” porn. Given the context of who the article is discussing, I did not assume they were sharing porn with each other. I have not seen any comments where this was assumed, as well.

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7 points

“son, i’m going to be fasting from my big tiddy goth gf porn, care to help me out?”

Nope, still sounds fuckin weird my g

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2 points

I just looked into the app being used here, called “covenant eyes” and it seems your interpretation of the phrase is actually more correct, unfortunately that makes the headline even less misleading. You are indeed able to see and review exactly what content was accessed that set off the alert.

If you watch the “How it works” intro video on their site it seems they are literally monitoring and reviewing each other’s porn intake.

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42 points

Nah, I didn’t read the headline thinking that they were sharing links with each other. It read to me like he and his son are holding each other accountable for how often they pleasure themselves with porn, and that’s incredibly fucking weird and inappropriate. While I think it’s generally a positive thing to be open and honest with your children, there is definitely a line. And this totally crosses that.

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2 points

Yeah I was lucky enough to be raised by a sex positive mom. As a young child I called body parts by their names because they’re just body parts. Any questions I asked my mom got a truthful answer to the best of her knowledge and as appropriate as possible to my age. There was an understanding that if I was old enough to ask I was old enough to know. That was incredible for me. I have a healthy sex life in part because of this. I also don’t know anything about my mom’s sex life except for the time I found her copy of 50 shades, and the fact that my parents couldn’t stand each other for over a decade.

This is so much weirder and honestly depending on the son’s age it sounds like it could be adultification. A child shouldn’t be responsible for holding a parent accountable in general, but for this it’s just yikes

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21 points

I feel like the reason they’d have to make a pledge like this in the first place is because one or both of them already got caught watching porn.

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18 points

The son is 17. If he’s not beating his meat regularly, something is wrong with him.

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9 points

Or asexual. But that seems unlikely in this scenario.

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17 points

I think there are plenty of legitimate concerns here

Absolutely, Covenant Eyes is malware. Even worse, courts sometimes mandate it, eg in child custody cases. It’s commercialised spying from a business that has proven itselt not trustworthy.

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9 points

100% this. it’s another arm of big religion. we have to defeat them

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16 points

Also, everyone is reading this as some kind of creepy weird sharing kinks thing. Guaranteed this is just overbearing parenting 101. Anyone raised in or around extreme Christian groups reads this for what it is: child monitoring software and forcing your values on your kid.

I am sure your 17 year old signed up, wholly voluntarily, to not look at porn. I’m sure this wasn’t pitched as, “I’ll even do it too, and set it up so you get alerts for me!” Right as they took away a near adult’s ability to explore his sexuality.

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12 points

Maybe you can explain how the headline isn’t 100000000% accurate instead of confirming it’s completely accurate

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8 points

Sounds like a security issue now that he’s speaker

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6 points

Pretty sure they BOTH have a burning devices.

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6 points

I’d put money down that the kid set it up and has certain sites unlisted.

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5 points

I did not interpret the headline that way.

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Ah ok, that’s marginally less weird.

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15 points

No it’s not.

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0 points

You could have just said “Mr. Johnson,” and “the other.”

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1 point

Mr. Johnson and Little Johnson?

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83 points

“It sends a report to your accountability partner. My accountability partner right now is Jack, my son. He’s 17.

So he’s sharing what kind of porn he looks at with a minor.

I’m sure the republicans will be very upset about that. Right?..

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8 points

🤮

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5 points

I wonder who Jack’s accountability partner is on his other phone. Hmmm

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3 points
*

I am Jack’s accountability partner also his cold sweat and his total lack of surprise

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-17 points

I think the point here is to not look at porn becaue his son is then going to find out about it. “He’s sharing what kind of porn he looks at with a minor” is about as stupid take on this as that article is to begin with.

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36 points

Arguing for involving your own son in the management of your porn habits, is that really the hill you want to die on?

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8 points
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No but I really wish it was the hill this chuckle fuck would die on.

Won’t they think of the children?

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-9 points

“Let’s make a strawman of this dude calling out a strawman”

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22 points

Reading books to kids in a costume is way too sexual, but automatically sending porn to your underage kid is not, got it.

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12 points

That’s the jizz of it.

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-9 points

I’m sorry, but are we reading the same article? There’s no mention of anybody sending porn to anyone let alone about reading books to kids in a costume. You alright man?

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72 points

I have a gut feeling that something really nasty is going to come out about this guy. I mean worse than we all think he already is.

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24 points

I have the same gut feeling. People that behave so righteous usually are hiding something.

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63 points

Every politician that does shit like this gets caught taking it up the ass eventually. And, like, you go girl, but did you really need to be such a dick about everything along the way?

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14 points

I totally agree. He is hiding something and the rest of his party is too stupid to pick up on the signals.

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11 points

They don’t care

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6 points

The end justifies the means.

Even if we have to burn down all of creation to do show.

Pikachu face when they discover creation is bigger than one planet and they needed to massively invest in space ship development starting years ago.

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1 point

Oh oh oh can it be Lindsay Graham he gets caught with?

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